Flight of the Conchords

Do yourself a favor and watch this shit. Either you are gonna love it or hate it. It cracks me up for some reason. The mission went well yesterday and I am so hungover I cant feel my feet. My kids are coming to town today and should be here in another hour. I cant wait. It will put a positive spin on my life again, which I really need. Too many mother uckers, uckin with my shit....

The Gout is Back...

This is the second time this year I am having and attack of 'the gout'. This is my penance. It is fucking impossible to avoid all the stuff that causes the gout, especially alcohol. The last few nights have been hellish to say the least. I don't even have the energy to complain about it right now because I am in agony right now. Why won't it go away? I can't even pop pain killers cause that makes it worse. And the more I drink to numb my mind, the worse it gets. This is by far my worst adversary. Just check out the list of shit I am supposed to avoid.

• Meat: organ meats, offal, meat extracts, veal, bacon, sweetbreads, meat gravies and broths, consommé/bullion

• Poultry: turkey, goose

• Seafood: salmon, mackerel, trout, cod, herring, sardines, anchovies, mussels, crab, shrimp

• Vegetables: peas, beans, lentils, asparagus, mushrooms, cooked spinach, rhubarb, cauliflower

• Yeast products: baked goods, beer

• Alcohol - it increases the production of uric acid and inhibits its excretion by the kidneys

• Coffee - it accelerates the breakdown of protein into uric acid

• All fried foods - they cause a depletion of vitamin E, which can cause uric acid to rise

• Cream and ice cream

• Rich desserts

• Spices

• Pastries

• Simple sugars, simple carbohydrates and saturated fats - they increase your body's production of uric acid and impair your kidneys' ability to get rid of it. Eliminate fructose (found in food and drinks, like sodas)

• White flour

• Aspirin can raise uric acid levels. If you need to use pain killers, only use ones with ibuprofen.

• Oatmeal

• Whole grains

• Caffeine - it impairs kidney function, which is needed to get uric acid out of the body.

That covers about everything that is fun to eat. I do not have this list memorized so last night I went out and ate crab and tiger prawns. I thought I was doing myself a favor avoiding red meat but I went from the frying pan straight into the fire. I cant eat fried foods? So much for those chips I had for lunch. I am going to die like Elvis, without all the fame, money, and hot bitches. But there is hope, check out the stuff that will supposedly make me better.

• One of the best ways to prevent gout is to drink at least 6-8 eight ounce glasses of water, fresh juices or herb tea daily, especially at the first signs of gout. This will keep your urine diluted and will help your body excrete uric acid and prevent crystals from forming.

• Eat foods high in potassium, as mentioned above.

• Eating generous amounts of other fruits and vegetables helps keep uric acid crystals in solution.

• Take the flavonoid quercetin - see below under Folk Remedies. This should be part of your permanent gout-prevention diet.

• Having sex prevents men from getting gout. It seems that increased sexual activity reduces uric acid levels in fertile men.

• Lemon juice prevents gout attacks by stimulating the formation of calcium carbonate in the body. Calcium carbonate neutralizes acids in the body, including uric acid that triggers gout attacks. After each meal drink the juice of one freshly squeezed lemon in a glass of lukewarm water. To get more juice out of the lemon, bring it to room temperature, then roll it around on the counter with the palm of your hand.

• Taking 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda with meals will prevent gout attacks. This will help alkalize the body.

• Keep the leg elevated.

• A high fiber diet also aids in the elimination of uric acid by absorbing bile acids formed in the liver. These bile acids can act as a precursor to uric acid.

You see that? Having sex will prevent gout. Well, if just relieving myself of pent up sexual frustration was not enough motivation for me to get laid, now I have another reason. Maybe I could work this into my pick up routine. One might say I am pretty lucky to contract a disease that SEX is a cure for. Maybe the doctor can prescribe me some sex, then the hot nurse would be obliged to lay me. I cant even imagine how they figured this one out. I am convinced that the FDA has a mole working in there who just slips in sex as a cure for diseases when the ladies are not looking. He works with the rastaman who convinced people that smoking weed cures cataract. I am heading to the pub for a bottle of whiskey and 3 lemons. Its going to be another long night...

The 17 Year Picture Project

I love projects that require time and dedication. But this guy just took things to a whole new level. For the last 17 years he has been taking a picture of himself everyday. It may not sound as awesome as it in fact is until you recognize the fact that 17 years ago there were no digital camera's, let alone the internet. So it is not as if he was planning to put this on his blog or anything. He just woke up every morning for 17 fucking years and took a picture of himself. But Dan Hana, the man behind the myth, actually built a contraption that would accurately catalog his aging process over the 17 year period. He did not rely on a girlfriend take the picture or settle for some hand held home made shit. He want balls out on this project.


Tanking a look at this ring he built that holds some heavy symbolism to it, I cant help but notice that Mr. Hana is conducting this project right out of his bedroom. So maybe it was not a matter of allowing his girlfriend to photograph him daily, but rather finding a girl to date him in the first place. But seriously, I think this is an awesome project and I would love to see it culminate into something more substantial that a You Tube video clip.

Off Target

I was sitting on a stool at the pub. She had just been at a party where she met up with a bunch of her mates, or so I thought. It turns out most of them did not show up because the guy who was supposed to drive them there checked himself into a mental institution that afternoon. He had the tickets to the festival the coming weekend as well. I guess he realized that his clock just was not ticking on time, I guess. Along with everybody else’s clocks. Like all the clocks have to tick together, but they don’t really have to tell the same time, I guess. I wonder who figured out time zones. That fucker must have thought he was nuckin futs for sure. What about the people he tried to convince the theory to? ‘You see, if you fly from Indonesia to Hawaii it takes 18 hours. So if you leave Jakarta at 4pm, you get to Honolulu at 10am... Yesterday!!! That’s right kids, we go back in time.’ I still don’t get how that shit works, its just one of the things I have come to accept, like the fact that Rihanna does not shit.

Tuning into the World Wide Web and surfing porn should be enough to comfort anyone that there are crazier people out there. Unless the person in question has a fetish for being handcuffed, tied up against the wall, being whipped with a leather belt, having a rugged hairbrush slowly shoved up their ass without the use of any lubrication, subjecting their nipples to the deprivation of blood circulation till their about to turn black and drop off, willingly submitting to mental torture and abuse, then finally paying some Japanese school girl to piss and shit on their face, I think they might have a good chance at being considered relatively normal by society as we know it. Not to say that society should regulate what we consider to be normal or not. I mean, if eating a kaka sandwich for breakfast is what floats your boat, do your thang dawg. I guess it is up to each individual to gauge for themselves what sanity is. But try as you might to stay distant from the reach of popular consensus, we are all subject to the influences of our surroundings. Even if you decide to be a hermit and stay at home sticking needles under your fingernails while watching The Bold and the Beautiful, you will sooner or later adhere to the principles of normality stipulated by the music you listen to, the books you read, or the experiences and acquaintances you reflect upon even during periodical visits to the grocery store (kids who were raised in cages or cellars by sadistic foster parents are exempt). Not to mention your loving family.

It is fun to be a little eccentric but what happens when you see that look in your friends’ eyes where they see you in true form. People who have known you for years but seem surprised by your colors. And not in a good way either. Soon enough you look in the mirror and wonder, ‘am I knitting with only one needle here? Am I missing that one crucial screw?’ And when reality kicks in you finally question your genetics. Is this madness hereditary…? Well chances are if you come from a tight tribal community like I do that you are already in a boat with only one paddle and safely 3 miles up shit creek. The kaka sandwich does not look so bad now. There has been so much inbreeding going on in the Sindhi society that I am actually surprised we are not spawning children with 4 legs and 3 eyes. So many societies pay so much concern to marrying their children of to people in their own social circles without any concern for genetics. But my grandfather did say that the mind would be the first to go. Right before he took flight from the 7th storey apartment window.

Maybe it was just time to find a new group of friends, people who lived closer to his red line. So close in fact that once he got there he would find out that what he thought was the edge was in actuality a tight row of beautiful red roses. That ultimately there is no red line, that life like the planet we live on is a sphere and he could not possibly step off the edge, it was all just a matter of perspective and the narrative position he adopted in his mind.

Words like pervert, alcoholic, dropout, druggy, rapist, dictator, whore, crack-head, pedophile, thief, rebel, murderer, faggot, convict, slut, thug, and bastard. These words are the strips of skin that bind together creating society’s whip to chastise humanity. How far do your thoughts really need to run away from the abuse before you hit the brakes and scream out for help? Where I come from just waking up one morning and checking into an institution is not an option. And what fucking escape could they offer anyways? More drugs? I learned to self medicate at a young age and I think I have gotten pretty damn good at it. Yes, occasionally I feel the sting of the whip on my ass as I creep back into my hole. But this is still my world and I will come out to play.

The Proposition

This last weekend, I spent an ample amount of time at home on my couch, just watching movies. I have been through quite a few movies the last 2 weeks but none of them were really memorable. When I go and pick up movies I will usually grab whatever new blockbusters are out, some music concerts, and a couple of foreign and independent films. Because I never really know what mood I am going to be in when I am ready to watch the movie. Sometimes I pick up a great comedy that I think I am going to love, but then I hate it, or I get an action blockbuster like Iron Man then I end up hating it too, just because I was not in the mood. So this weekend I killed a few films. 2000 B.C which I thought I would rock was really disappointing, the Robbie Williams Swing When Your Winning concert is a good time pass but I had seen that before anyways, Hancock was just silly, and I stumbled upon 2 seasons of a fantastic British comedy called The IT Crowd. I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys that genre. It filled the bulk of my weekend. But the one film that I really enjoyed and has kept me thinking all week was ‘The Proposition’.

The Proposition is an Australian film which released in 2005, starring Guy Pearce, Ray Winstone, and Danny Huston amongst others. The rest of the cast may not be very well known to people who do not follow Australian or British cinema, but judging from their performances they must be top notch in their industry. Guy Pearce is of course well known on the Hollywood circuit and I have seen Ray Winstone give a great performance in the British film ‘Sexy Beast’. The Proposition is set around 1880 in Australia which at the time resembled the American Wild West, so you could say this film falls in the Western genre. Winstone’s character Captain Stanley is a law man from England who is determined to ‘civilize this land’. Off the bat he and his squad corner then capture Charlie Burns (Pearce) and his younger brother Mike who have been accused of perpetrating a horrendous crime against a colonist family. Stanley however believes that the mind behind the madness is actually their elusive older brother Arthur who Charlie and Mike have walked away from. Holding the young and simple boy Mike as collateral, Stanley gives Charlie 9 days to kill his older brother in exchange for the release and pardon of him and his younger brother. And so the stage is set.

This beginning of the film was reminiscent of Apocalypse now, where Captain Benjamin sets out in search of the renegade Kurtz. And the character of Arthur Burns is equally intriguing, in a Charles Manson sort of way. Without giving the plot away I can say that this film is very serious in its nature, the character development is strong and they each add depth and alternative perspectives to the storyline. The imagery is at times beautiful and also disturbing. On one level the writer Nick Cave has delivered a piece that could open the doors to discussions regarding the role of the British in post colonial Australia, the treatment of Aborigines by the colonists, or even the nature of capital punishment and the human lust for revenge. On another level he has delivered one hell of a Western film with classic shots, unforgettable characters, and a story that will kick you in the teeth. It is so hard to draw lines in this movie as to who and what is wrong or right. And in my opinion that is what sets great films apart from the regular shit. As viewers we are forced to think and decide for ourselves because the writer and director do not attempt to present any conclusion to us.

Name that Toon...

I came across this picture a while ago on some other website, though I cant remember which. I am going to see if I can name every toon from top right to left just from the image of its outline. I reckon I can get them all.... Well it turns out after having just now attempted all 34 silhouettes that I might have missed 5. Think you can do better?

(scroll down for answers)

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1. Mickey
2. Daffy
3. Fred Flinstone
4. Ren and Stimpy
5. Bart
6. Sponge Bob
7. Felix the Cat
8. Road Runner
9. Marge Simpson
10. Yogi Bear
11. Stuart (Stewie)
12. Popeye
13. The crab dude from Sponge Bob
14. Charles Brown
15. Bugs
16. Wilma
17. Mighty Mouse
18. The Moose Guy...
19. Odie
20. Goofie
21. The Octopus guy from Sponge Bob. I think he is called Sid the Squid.
22. Dexter
23. Snoopy
24. Mojo Jojo
25. Olive Oil
26. Pink Panther
27. Betty Boop
28. That Bitch from the Rug Rats I think...
29. Casper the Friendly Ghost
30. I have no idea!!??
31. Tasmanian Devil
32. I want to say Calvin but I think he is some other fool.
33. Pinky and The Brain
34. Daisy Duck

The Dadagiri Slap

Here is another gem from You Tube. It seems there is some reality TV show in India called 'Dadagiri'. I have no idea what it is about but I do remember last year some show in the UK where the host was this evil chick who tormented the guests on the show in some sadistic way or another. I am guessing this Indian TV show has taken some cue from that show judging by the first clip.

So the host obviously thinks she is hottest thing around since global warming. Plus she got a dirtier mouth than Tony Montana. I have never heard an Indian chick on TV use such profanity. If she was half decent looking I might even have gotten a stiffy, but she looks like a straight up BEAAATTCH! And she totally gets whats coming her way. I know there is very little that could justify a man phisically abusing a woman, but this lady just asks for it. This is the best version of the 'slap' that I found.

I Hate Chain Mail

Most people I know and meet on a regular basis are aware that I hate chain mail. So it was quite surprising when last week I received this mail from a close friend of mine in Jakarta. Not only did he send this to me, but he also forwarded it to our common circle of friends. I was having one of those days where whatever could possibly go wrong, was going wrong.

BE AWARE FRIENDS, The world is getting sicker and a more unsafe place! Don't know how accurate these stories are, but better to be aware than be ignorant.

This is a true story, it has been confirmed, and the Medical Centre phone number at the end of this story is real. This guy went out on a Saturday night a few weeks ago to a party. He was having a good time and had a couple of beers and some girl seemed to like him & invited him to go to another party. He quickly agreed & decided to go along with her. She took him to a party in some apartment and they continued to drink & even got involved with some drug (unknown).

The next thing he knew, he woke up completely naked in a bathtub filled with ice. He looked down at his chest, which had 'CALL 000 or YOU'LL DIE' written on it with lipstick. He saw a phone was on a stand next to the tub so he picked it up & dialed. He explained to the EMS operator what the situation was & that he didn't know where he was, what he took, or why he was really calling. She advised him to get out of the tub. He did, and he appeared normal, so she told him to check his back. He did, and found two 9 inch slits on his lower back. She told him to get back into the tub immediately, and they sent a rescue team over.

Apparently, after being examined, he found out more -His kidneys were stolen. They were worth $10,000 each on the black market. He is currently in the hospital on a life support, awaiting a spare kidney. I wish to warn you about a new crime ring that is targeting business travelers. This ring is well organized and well funded, has very skilled personnel & is currently operating in most major cities around the world and recently very active in Sydney.

Ok, first of all this is so fucking 90’s. I remember hearing this story back when I was 16. I think it was ripped from some B grade Follywood flick. I mean honestly, if you were left in a tub over night packed in ice, you should be less concerned about your kidneys and more married about the frost bite on your pecker. And secondly, anyone who gets their hands on my internal organs would be lucky to get 2 years of use out of them. These bad boys have been to hell and back I tell you. So yeah, not being in the best of moods I batted out a reply to vent my frustrations.

Hi,

Thanks for the warning guys!! Just this Friday night while I was in Cellar (a popular club in Guangzhou) this really hot blond came up to me and asked to buy me a drink. I said ok. She was tall with green eyes and was wearing this skin tight dress with mad cleavage all over the place. There is no way I could say no to this girl although I knew better. Shortly after some good conversation and dancing she asked me to come back to her place for a night cap. I did not know what a 'night cap' is and assumed it is some new drug that kids these days must be using, to get 'high' or whatever so of course I declined and stayed at the bar avoiding her watchful gaze all along.

Later I saw her hanging out with a close friend of mine as I was going to the bathroom. I was planning to warn him but by the time I got out they were nowhere to be seen. I was afraid she might have given him some night cap so I tried to call but his phone was off. I did not see him again till Sunday afternoon at the pub. He looked like hell. He showed me his back where he had left massive scratch marks. He had small dark bruises all over his chest and neck! It turns out that Niki, the blond girl from the bar took him home and made crazy monkey love with him all night and the next day!! She stole his VIRGINITY!

So guys, this is serious.... If you don’t want to wake up with an ache in your thighs from doing it doggy style and night, marks all over your body from being raped by a gorgeous woman, and a cramp in your groin from having been fucked so hard, then don’t go home with hot chicks in bars who offer to give you night caps!!! Imagine waking up one morning to find that your virginity is gone? I heard it is worth almost $89.90 in the Blok M market. This ring is well funded and organized so please look out for those elusive Night Caps and keep your virginity intact!

AZ's Top 5

I dont know who this guy is, but his top 5 list of girls he would 'smash' is awesome. I could not have laid it out better than this if I tried.

Cubism is Dead Stencil

Some more experimentation with layers. This time I used a pink base and the red right over it for some 3D lettering. I like the final result. I am totally feeling the pink and blue squares as well. I just need to figure out a cool stencil using little squares to accompany this tag. I need bigger paper and a massive printer!

Beijing Opera Mask #2 Stencil

I am having some fun with Chinese opera masks, making stencils of them to get various results with multilayer graffiti. I tried this one out on canvas and I even used a paintbrush to get in some of the finer details. Looking at this I feel I have come a long way since I first started cutting stencils, but I am not really thrilled with the final results. I like the end result to look a bit grungy. I guess this shit just is not made for canvass. When I do get better though I will give it a shop with way more detailed work.

16 Hours in Dubai - U.A.E

A couple of weeks ago I landed up in Dubai for about 16 hours. I managed to get in touch with a few friends who I had not seen in a while and they agreed to put me up for the night. I got in at about 5 that evening and was scheduled to back at the airport by 9 am the next morning. Needless to say, we did not end up sleeping that night. After chilling out at home and talking story for a few hours, we went to to the Irish Village where they were celebrating the Hop Fest 2008.



It was hot as hell outside but the organizers constructed this massive tent which was pretty well air conditioned. There was a huge crowd, live bands, and loads of bars serving every beer you could think of. The music was pretty awesome but I found the crowd a little bit strange. It was just a very diverse group that did not seem to be mixing so well. I would not say it was a racist environment, but there was definitely an oil and water situation going on. But I only needed one cold beer to get me going and soon after, nothing else mattered.





Unfortunately the party was over before it even began and by 1am they were closing things up. But another friend of ours had hooked things up at a pretty hot club so we went down there to check it out. Clubs in Dubai are pretty anal about allowing single guys into clubs. Fortuantly we ran into a group of Lebanese chicks who did not mind escorting us in, once they knew we had a table in the VIP of course. Buts that's just how the game goes.









There is nothing like catching up with my boys from back home, especially when it is one of these random visits. And what makes it even better is when you have an insane night out that was totally unplanned and you can throw down just like you did back in the day. I had not seen these fools a in at least 3 years and it was as if we had not even skipped a beat. And on top of it all I love to see that my mates are still out there doing there shit, and balling when they can. Life is good. 16 hours in Dubai is more than enough for me.