Tuesday, June 21, 2005

AA

Rambling thoughts today… When does one cross the line from being a heavy drinker to being a certified alcoholic?

Over the last week or two I have been fraught with business issues and just the general stress factor of keeping up with the rat race. None of this however has made me yearn for a fix from a drink. When I spend evenings at home I do not usually booze unless it is a weekend or out of absolute boredom. Then even I will usually cap things off at about half a bottle of Vodka or Whiskey. I do not drink everyday nor do I ever drink in the mornings. Some weekends if I stay home I even go without and just settle in with a pack of smokes and a good movie. For this reason, I do not consider myself an alcoholic. And that is why I have never been a drug addict either. My indulgences have been to explore and enhance, never to escape.

But when I get my ass out that door and into a bar, it is as if all reason goes out the window. I will not hold a bottle to my mouth and guzzle it down but to clear a bottle or more in a night has not been unheard of. And a normal night on the town for me is usually 8-10 hours. This is not something I am proud of. I cringe at the thought of how much money I must have spent on booze alone over the last few years but this is the trouble with a high tolerance. Rarely do I ever get completely out of control but I would be lying if I said things did not get wild once in a while. But that is also because it is intended as fun. And it IS fun. I have taken sabbaticals before and I became like “Fun Bob” on Friends. I was totally bored with everyone and everything around me. I do not want to quit drinking and I honestly do not feel the need to but I do not like being labeled as and Alchy. And there are those who would have me believe I crossed the line a while ago.

I am sure some of you can be of the same opinion that it is difficult to go out to a bar, or clubbing, and just give yourself a limit to how much you are going to drink. I for one can not put a cap on my consumption. I would rather go with the flow. And I have tried going out dry but that just gets really shitty when you are looking at how every one else is behaving and I tend to get judgmental, which I hate. I would rather spend the night at home reading a book or watching TV then. I could hang out with my mates and play cards or something but that is just anti-social.

For the first time today I actually contemplated putting down the bottle, just to test myself. But then I figured why fuck with a good thing. I enjoy myself and I am not hurting anyone. Why force myself into deprivation when I truly believe in the road of excess. Every one needs a fix and this is mine. I do not over indulge in sex or drugs, nor do I get a serious kick from sports. I have hobbies that I enjoy and sometimes a few drinks actually enhance the experience. I can let loose on the dance floor and even more forthcoming in conversation. Is that such a bad thing? It would be ideal to be all these things without the additive but I am in no way perfect. None of us are.

So fuck going to that AA meeting I read about. Here are a few interesting pictures I came across.

“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.” – Dr. Johnson

6 comments:

Shan said...

Ahhh Fun Bobby - I really liked that character!
Naw mate, nothing wrong with your drinking habits. We're just boozehounds is all. And we're young so we're still making the most out of our late-20something lifestyle. All my older friends have gone thru the same thing. It's all part and parcel.

Avi said...

Thanks Shan... I was worried about this post cause I still have trouble with critism and I opened the door on this one. But you made me feel all better.. *sniff*

AmitD said...

haven't been smashed since the last time i was in accra...that was 7 years ago... looks like you drinking for the two of us brah...

ival said...

shit Avi...I have been going through the same thoughts for the last few months...remember the goldfish post...that has something to do with it...if we enjoy something why cant we do it...why do we think guilty thoughts and shit...

Avi said...

Lavi- Fuck the guilt! I left my office yesterday afternoon and went drinking. Just to make a point to myself. And it was fun!

Amit- You really need to come visit me soon. Or I need to come there and straighten you out.

ival said...

Amit you bastard, get some Star beer and get smashed man, you can do it at your office after everyone has gone home...and then call over a lady friend and get LAID bizatch!!!!

Avi, my buddies and I used to drink at my office a few years ago, it was so much fun...now...no more...I guess I need to head down to Indigo's tonight with brother Ro for Happy Hour. Eat...drink and be merry...