AA

Rambling thoughts today… When does one cross the line from being a heavy drinker to being a certified alcoholic?

Over the last week or two I have been fraught with business issues and just the general stress factor of keeping up with the rat race. None of this however has made me yearn for a fix from a drink. When I spend evenings at home I do not usually booze unless it is a weekend or out of absolute boredom. Then even I will usually cap things off at about half a bottle of Vodka or Whiskey. I do not drink everyday nor do I ever drink in the mornings. Some weekends if I stay home I even go without and just settle in with a pack of smokes and a good movie. For this reason, I do not consider myself an alcoholic. And that is why I have never been a drug addict either. My indulgences have been to explore and enhance, never to escape.

But when I get my ass out that door and into a bar, it is as if all reason goes out the window. I will not hold a bottle to my mouth and guzzle it down but to clear a bottle or more in a night has not been unheard of. And a normal night on the town for me is usually 8-10 hours. This is not something I am proud of. I cringe at the thought of how much money I must have spent on booze alone over the last few years but this is the trouble with a high tolerance. Rarely do I ever get completely out of control but I would be lying if I said things did not get wild once in a while. But that is also because it is intended as fun. And it IS fun. I have taken sabbaticals before and I became like “Fun Bob” on Friends. I was totally bored with everyone and everything around me. I do not want to quit drinking and I honestly do not feel the need to but I do not like being labeled as and Alchy. And there are those who would have me believe I crossed the line a while ago.

I am sure some of you can be of the same opinion that it is difficult to go out to a bar, or clubbing, and just give yourself a limit to how much you are going to drink. I for one can not put a cap on my consumption. I would rather go with the flow. And I have tried going out dry but that just gets really shitty when you are looking at how every one else is behaving and I tend to get judgmental, which I hate. I would rather spend the night at home reading a book or watching TV then. I could hang out with my mates and play cards or something but that is just anti-social.

For the first time today I actually contemplated putting down the bottle, just to test myself. But then I figured why fuck with a good thing. I enjoy myself and I am not hurting anyone. Why force myself into deprivation when I truly believe in the road of excess. Every one needs a fix and this is mine. I do not over indulge in sex or drugs, nor do I get a serious kick from sports. I have hobbies that I enjoy and sometimes a few drinks actually enhance the experience. I can let loose on the dance floor and even more forthcoming in conversation. Is that such a bad thing? It would be ideal to be all these things without the additive but I am in no way perfect. None of us are.

So fuck going to that AA meeting I read about. Here are a few interesting pictures I came across.

“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.” – Dr. Johnson