Deep Fried Breakfast

Well if you are gonna go out like Elvis then your breakfast has to be dipped in oil. Last night was quite an adventure. I some how managed to get lost while driving home at 4am and to top that off I actually rolled a BAJAJ!!! For those of you who don’t know, a BAJAJ over here is a little orange 3 wheeler taxi. What we would call an AUTO is India or a TUK TUK in Thailand. So I was at an intersection that was pretty crowded for that time of morning and the light turned green so I hit the gas and BOOM. The next thing I see is this orange fucker pulling a flip in front of me. I always thought that is something like this occurred my first reaction would be to step on the metal and get the fuck out before the masses attack me. But in fact I immediately got out of my car and strolled over to the BAJAJ that was sitting on its side. The driver was getting up and I helped him out. He seemed to be very old. I would guess at least 60, so I was glad he was not hurt.

As I helped him out and lifted his BAJAJ upright (it was not too heavy), the cockroaches swarmed in all around us. Before I could even turn around to face them, I was already being prodded and poked. And I will say now that I was in no fucking mood to be intimidated. I did what any red blooded man would do, I pushed back!! I had a fair bit of alcohol in my system so fear was non-existent. I was ready to take on a hundred men if need be but not unless my words failed to bail my ass out of this sticky mess. I was encircled by the blood thirsty swine but I stood firm and took no blame for the accident and within moments the blood sucking leaches that call them selves police found their way to the scene. The poor old man was being instigated by the locals so my common sense told me to nip this in the bud as I had only Rp.5000 in my pocket for the highway and I was carrying no ID nor do I possess a driver’s license.

Some how I managed to speak to the old man and convince him on my good word that I would take care of all damages the next morning (today). I also told him that I was about to pull a Chevy Chase and get the fuck outta there before I killed or got killed. He tried to hit me up for some cash but as I said, I was tapped. I never seem to have any cash on me when I need it. The police were trying to pull me to the station near by but I ignored the corrupt bastards knowing that they would only make life more difficult for me. The old man saw I was about to get physical so he actually pushed the bastard mob away and let me get in my car so boot away to safety. As I started to drive off I saw the cops look in my direction but the lazy degenerates made no attempt to get on their bikes and make a chase of this.

Situations like this are inevitable in Jakarta. It’s a matter of when and not if. The old bastard was at fault but what good is one Indian brother arguing with 50 Indonesian hoodlums going to do. I ended up with a broken front light but insurance will cover that. I spoke to the old man this morning and the poor SOB is having a massage. He was a decent fellow so I am sorting out his BAJAJ and massage expense. I maintain that he was at fault but the loss to him would be massive where as to me it is minimal. Overall it was an odd and new experience and if it doesn’t kill you it only makes you stronger. Plus I scored extra points by sending the orange tin can for a sixer. And from the side lines Innayat yelled, “Wot a shot YAAR!!!” It looked like a flying Fanta. You know what I mean right Ash? Been there, done that…

Oh, and about the deep fried breakfast… I ate TAHU GORENG when I came into the office today. My assistant had bought it for me. I think it is what you call bean curd or tofu, that is stuffed with been sprouts and vermicelli noodles, the really thin glassy kind. With every bit you should nibble on the little green peppers that pack a fuckin serious punch. They feel good going in but they hurt like a bitch coming out, if you know what I mean. But gad dam they taste good.