Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Calamari Rings

*Usual disclaimer banter. This material might be offensive to the prude and frigid.

So I heard this joke a while ago. As you know Jewish people are usually circumcised soon after birth. This Rabbi (Jewish Priest) who performs the ceremony is a bit of a collector. Over years and years he has collected thousands of fore skins that he had personally snipped off the penises of little Jewish baby boys. One fine day he walks into an exclusive tailor shop that specializes in leather works. He meets with his friend, the owner of the shop and tells him about his “collection”, at the same time seeking advice on what can be constructed from these foreskins. The tailor instructed the Rabbi to return with his stash ASAP. The Rabbi came the next day carrying a large box containing all the severed fragments of the penises. The eager tailor grabbed the box and ran to the back room yelling back to the Rabbi, “I have got one hell of a plan for you Ishmael!!”

Three weeks later the Rabbi returns to see a very proud looking tailor standing behind the counter. “Gianni you old fool. Wipe that smile of your face and show me what you got for me” he says. The tailor ducked behind the counter and very slowly came up with his eyes transfixed on a small red box that he had balanced carefully on his finger tips. They both kept staring at it even after Gianni set it down on the counter. Ishmael opened the small red box and the look of joy and excitement vanished from his face. “You schmuck! I gave you 10,000 foreskins and all you give me is this lousy wallet??!!” The tailor stood aside patiently and he seemed impermeable to all the insults, curses, and accusations that were flying his way. When the Rabbi finally stopped for a breath in between calling Gianni a good for nothing Italian thief and cursing his whole family, Gianni handed the wallet to the Rabbi. “Ishmael, just hold it. You feel how smooth and smooth the leather is? It is finer than anything I have ever worked with”. “But where is all the skin” the Rabbi argued. “You must have made a hundred of these and you are selling them on EBAY you Guinea fuck”! Gianni gave Ishmael a coy smile and said, “Give it a little rub”. Ishmael rubbed the wallet a few times which caused it to twitch and before their very eyes it grew into a full sized suitcase!! I know, it’s a lame joke. But it brings me to the main point.

I guess if you wanted to, you could split men into 2 categories. Cut and uncut, either you are wearing the leather jacket or you got on your turtle neck sweater. I will take the fist brave step and admit that I have been circumcised. I assume that it was done soon after I was born because I have no recollection of that at all and I think that is something I would not forget. So with that said I can also admit freely that I have little, or in fact, NO exposure to the unclipped Johnson. I do not make a habit of using communal showers nor am I a porn star engaging in orgies and I definitely do not glance down at my neighbor’s privates while standing at a urinal. I don the helmet of the SS with pride. Prince Albert stands at attention.

Growing up I do remember some of my cousins having peckers that looked some what different from mine. At the time (I was only 7) mine looked like a mushroom with a VERY long stem, where as theirs resembled the trunk of an elephant. I found it kind of creepy with all that skin at the tip of it. And I am sure that would look down right freaky on a 7”cock. I know with a circumcised tool, the extra skin bunches up around the base of the head like a tortoise’s neck. And when there is lift off it will just pull and tighten across the shaft. Similarly on a cold day or when your girlfriend scolds you in front of all your mates, you turtles neck can just as easily retreat into its shell. As for the trunk concept, I have no idea.

So I was thinking… What do women really prefer? I think in Indonesian women like a clean, smooth head. That would have a lot to do with culture and religion I guess. I could google this subject till I found numerous opinions and pictures but, no thank you. Not interested yaar. The last thing I need is my staff finding random sites about male sexual organs on my computers. Although I am not a homophobic, the last thing I need is my colleagues getting the wrong impression. Before you know it the rumors will spread around the office and into my house and my mother will pick it up! That would drive her down right, bang your head against the wall and yell why me, crazy. On the other hand however, I would not have to put up with the irritating suggestions that I settle down and get married. But let’s not even go there right now.

I watch as much porn as the next guy and to be honest with you, I do not think I have ever seen a male porn star go au natural. They all seem to be cut back. Is it a cosmetic thing? Do the women prefer it? Is it a hygiene thing? And in that case would circumcision be considered cosmetic surgery? Oh shit. And would insurance cover it? Damn, that would be crazy to get circumcised in your teens or later. Many years ago, a friend’s younger brother got clipped at the age of 14. Not only was it embarrassing as hell for him, it was also down right painful. But what if the women you fell in love with admitted to you that she was not getting maximum pleasure from you because you had not got the knife. Would you do it?

Here are some cool pictures of uhhhhmmm… Tortoises.

10 comments:

ival said...

Dude, I got the low down on this for you man! Back in Singapore we used to have health servies come to school every year for medical check ups. When I was in 4th grade(9 yrs old) or so, we had health services come by and we thought it was the yearly health examination we were used to. We were excited cos you kind of get a day off. But this time was gonna be different! They were here to check up all our lallis to see if we needed to cut the foreskin or not!! I tell you all the boys were panicking!! The Muslim kids didnt have to get checked cos they all get circumcised when they are babies. So, we were all gathered in the school library and then you go behind a curtain with the nurse. She has a pencil with a pink eraser on it and uses it to demonstrate what to do...She tells you to pull your foreskin back to see if the hole is big enough for the head to pop out so that you can have sex without too much pain. I guess also to make sure that your skin is not blocking your piss from coming out full strength.

Damn there was panic in the air that day and all of us were embarrassed, scared and quiet! Cos you know what happens if they give you a referral...For those of you who dont know...and dont have conservative Indian parents...If you get a referral, you get to give it to your parents and explain to them what you need to get done to your lalli! Damn. Thats the last thing we want to talk about! I was so lucky I didnt get a referral to go to the doctor and cut my foreskin off! I still have mine and it keeps my head warm in winter. I would not cut it off.

Heres the 411 on the foreskin. It seems that the foreskin hole needs to be big enough for the head to stick out during intercourse. If the hole is too small, then you have lots of pain during intercourse. I think the foreskin could even rip during sex if the foreskin hole was too small. In that case, you need to have it cut off. I remember when I was younger, my foreskin could not go lower than the head to collect around the shaft. But after doing it a few times, it started to go down towards the shaft when sufficiently lubricated.

As for which is better, foreskin or no foreskin, it really doesnt matter, cos when you have sex the extra skin goes down towards the shaft and it then looks and functions like a circumcised penis. It actually adds girth to the penis. But, the circumcised penis is not as sensitive as the uncircumcised one cos there is no shield to protect the head and so guys without foreskin can go longer and guys with foreskin need to practice a little to go longer. (I dont really have any problems with time even though I have my head on. I'm a super star.)

At the end of the day, I guess its the way you use the tool and not the type of tool you have, plus we are all Indians and are well endowed with SKill and Size!! Some more than the others...LOL

ival said...

Damn that comment came out pretty long huh??

mogs said...

Your last comment, was that pun intended?

ival said...

Umm...I was just saying what she said...Ahem...

Isnt that wierd Ro...we were just talking about circumcision last week and now here is a post about it??!!

Jax said...

Interesting, talking about cirumcision last week? How did that come up in conversation?

"Hey, what do you want to do yaar?"
"I don't know, just chill on the beach or something."
"Ok, cool. Hey, what do you think about circumcision?"

On the other hand, good info Lavi. Coupled with the research on your own blog I think you might be on to something.

mogs said...

Yeah it is....coincidence?

mogs said...

Good question, we were actually lounging in the living room (could have been a sunday too....or a lundday) watching some TV, and I guess it led from one thing to another....

Avi said...

Damn fella's, thats intense. I am so fuking hungover and the first thing I see this morning is a write up about lalli's. I dont think I am going to do much work today. Massage sounds like a plan.

How you like the pics of the turtles?

ival said...

Dude, that first turtle pic is just NASTY man. It looks like all the limp dicks we see in porno flicks...

Avi said...

Poor limp biskit. Maybe some Viagra?