The Return to Innocence

*Sexual disclaimer… Blah, blah, blah…

Of all the things I have lost, I miss my innocence the most. There is a saying I read just like that with the word mind in place of innocence. But I do not really miss my mind all that much. I miss my innocence, the pleasure of not knowing. And I mean this in a totally sexual way. So let’s not get too deep and philosophical here. This topic is as shallow as my being.

Last night Gonzo and I were kicking back at my crib, reminiscing over all the crazy shit we have done over the years. Since we were 16 we would go out to bars and try to meet women. Of course looking back now it is not surprising that we never scored. The furthest we got was a bit of bump and grind with the drunken chick on the dance floor, and maybe a little nookie every now and then. But once we clocked 18, things changed. Jakarta is a pretty easy place to meet birds. You can go out to a number of clubs and meet some really hot girls just over a few drinks and a couple of dances. Granted these are not the girls you would take home to Mom but sexual satisfaction was the main priority. A mutual priority I might add. More than that, I guess we were just looking for experience.

We came to the concurrence that since then we have been absolute whores. Gonzo has been a total 2 dollar hoe. There were some situations I hope to live and tell my grand kids about and others that I keep in a deep dark closet of my mind. But now that we have experienced these things they can not be undone. I was dating a very cool chick I met a while ago and she started asking me about my past. Sexual stuff you know. This is the worst thing a couple can do. It always ends in disaster. DO NOT ASK ABOUT THE EX!!! You know you are only going to hear things that make you feel shitty so why go there? So she asks, have you tried this and that and the other and with whom did you do it. And I have a strict honestly policy when it comes to relationships. The poor girl was taken aback. I guess she wanted us to experience something for the first time TOGETHER and there were not that many options open.

I really am not one to live with regret. I have enjoyed my voyage so far but I want some innocence back. I was with another girl last year who I really liked and she wanted to try ecstacy with me. The sad truth is that I am fried. I cant do hard drugs anymore but that is something I so would have loved to share with this girl. And it is with this in mind that I am taking a vow of celibacy… Ok, stop laughing. Why make my private life so public? Hell I don’t know. I guess I can see the humor in it as well. I was thinking about his all night and I believe it is the right thing to do. Some chicks say that if they don’t have intercourse for 2 years then they are virgins again. So I want to be “Like a Virgin” yaar, touched for the very first time all over again. But 2 years is a pretty long time.

This might not be the brightest move for me right now as I am going to Eastern Europe in a few weeks but that is why I have to do this, as a test. From now on I will only give my flower to a girl or girls (keeping 3some options open) that I have true feelings for. No more women out for a quickie will be permitted to steal my thunder! So wish me luck boys and girls for I have a rough journey ahead of me.