The Soft Underbelly of Gonzo

Gonzolicious (as he now refers to himself) and the hot mama have been keeping up to speed with their bi-weekly encounters. As I have pointed out again and again, the sex has been great for them. He keeps going on and on about it to me. The brother seems to have a new story every day and although I have actually heard things that made my JD coke come out my nose; I will not bore you with all the lusty details. I will state however that the man who I always thought had no conscience, emotions, morality, or soul, suddenly seems to have been endowed with all four.

The other night as we talked story over a bottle of Jack, as we usually do, it was obvious that Gonzo had some serious issues to discuss. I guess you could compare our congregation’s to the breakfast meetings that the girls on Sex in the City have. Except you must replace the gourmet meals with stinky peanuts or stale popcorn, the cool festive beverages with cheap alcohol, and the bright, colorful, cheerful atmosphere with a dark, musty, smoke filled room. And where Carrie and her mates are sporting the latest NYC fashions, we are simply clad in the standard pin striped “poly-wiscoes” shirt and 60/40 120 gram wool trousers that we all bought fabric for at the Majestic whole sale market.

After the usual work related banter and bitching about how fucked up business is, Gonz said, “Guys, I think I have crossed the line”. Now as you know I have had numerous conversations about hot mama with the G man and I was actually pretty sick of discussing it. Yes you have a great life and I am practically practicing celibacy, so what the fuck is your problem. I listened to him relate his woes to Taurus and Balaman. He filled them in about how they hooked up and we all laughed as he styrishly exposed what went on behind closed doors. Watching the other guys react was just fascinating. I mean, what is it about adultery that makes it so fucking exciting? Taurus and Balaman kept yelling things like, “Whaaaattt??!! No fucking way man?! She did what? You actually did that? Can you actually do that? That must have felt awesome.” All this while they cupped their hands over their mouth’s, laughed, and exchanged high fives. After about half an hour of that I could see that Gonzo was getting carried away with his stories and I had to bring him back down by reminding him that he had a problem. He said “oh yeah, I forgot”.

He got pretty straight faced again and started shifting in his seat like he had butt burn or something. “Spit it out” I said, “You slow bastard”. “What the fuck is it that got your knickers in a twist now? Does she wanna stick something up your ass for kicks? What goes around comes around you know.” We had a laugh at his expence and he basically proceeded to tell us that he was afraid hot mama was getting a bit too attached to him. “What the fuck do you mean you arrogant scoundrel?” I asked. “Well” he said. “She calls me twice a day. Sometimes after dropping her kids off at school. She tries to come out and meet me in the afternoons while her hubby is still at work and this was supposed to be just about sex you know. She said she wanted it that way. No strings attached she said.” To me it looked like the Gonzo was the one starting to feel like he had a girl friend. I told him to walk away a long time ago but that son of a bitch only thinks with his dick. “Now look where it got you, you sex fiend! You should fry in hell for this. Never covet your neighbor’s wife! Did you think it was a joke?” I felt bad for the guy though and as I was blasting him he had his slumped down like a bull dog that had just been thrown out of the house for taking a shit on the new rug.

All this time Taurus and Balaman held their tongues realizing full well that I was further into this tale than they could tell. Felling sorry for poor G, I put my hand on his shoulder and asked in the most caring way I could, trying level best not to sound insensitive, “What is the real issue burning you here? You wanted to be a porn star and now you are. Does it heart your little heart ache when she treats you like her whore?” He sat up and said, “I don’t wanna be a home breaker”. He caught me off guard there.

You see. Gonzo comes from a broken home. His parents split up when he was about 13 years old. This was the first time I actually heard him say something that came from a deep place. And I can relate to this. In any adulterous relationship, feelings will sooner or later get involved and that is when it all breaks down. I am glad he saw that he was holding the future of 2 children in his hands. I did not probe into weather his emotions or hot mamas were out on the table but I advised him to break it off as soon as he could. This is when the scoundrels Taurus and Balaman decided to break in. They were freaking. How can you let a piece of ass like that go? Who gives a shit if she falls in love? That is her problem. At least tap that ass for another month or 2. You gotta get something on video for memories!! You are going to regret this man! Don’t do it! Are you a fucking fag?” That is when I stepped up. I gave a sounding and a half and told them to stop talking like high school kids. I found it shocking how 30 year old men could be so fucking thoughtless and ignorant.

So with that said, I hope Gonzolicious does the right thing and backs off. It was good while it lasted and I am sure there is nothing like a little porn star sex to bring you up to speed in life, but that aint what life is all about. Why waste energy in a relationship that is only based around sex and will never have a future or a proud past. Take what you got from it and move on my buddy.