Monday, August 08, 2005

Happy Juice

Here is an excerpt from an article I read today on the BBC website. You can read the whole article here.

“Women exposed to their partner's semen during sex may find themselves feeling happier than those who use a condom, say scientists. Scientists in the US believe the mood-altering hormones in semen absorbed through the vagina help to boost women's mood. Semen contains a range of hormones, including testosterone and estrogen, both of which have been shown to improve mood. However, they warned that their findings should not be used to encourage people to practice unsafe sex. Gordon Gallup and colleagues at the State University of New York divided 293 female students into groups on the basis of how often their partners wore condoms.”

Wow... That takes a few minutes to absorb. The literary content I mean not the semen!! Sick bastards... This changes everything people. Well not for me really, as I am practicing abstinence, which by the way has been going quite well, thank you very much. Reading about this study I was reminded about the study that stated drinking a glass of wine a day is actually good for your heart. Sooo many people I met milked that theory in order to get shit-faced drunk on wine. I would see old men staggering around the pub with a bottle of vino in their hand saying, “My wife insists I drink it cause its good for me heart”. Wine sales went up dramatically after the findings were approved and published. It was pretty stupid though considering it was based on the fact that French have a lower rate of heart disease than Americans even though they each such fatty food like pate. Did they not realize that even if French eat fatty foods they eat in quantities that are minute compared to the over generous American helping? Not to mention all the fast food Americans eat. It was all a conspiracy to sell more wine and it worked.

These new “semen findings” could revolutionize pickup lines, pillow talk, and sex for years to come. I for one would be the first to tell my missus about how the effects are not just limited to vaginal absorption but also oral absorption. If she came home looking all sad than I would be soft and consoling asking about her bad day at work then I would tell her its okay and that she can suck my dick if she wants, just for a little happy juice. When you meet a hot chick with pouty lips at a bar you could tell her, “Hey honey. Why you lookin so glum, just have a sip of my cum, with a little bit of rum, or I could administer it in your bum”. You would probably get knocked the fuck out if you put it that way but I am sure some of you Casanova’s out there would put a smooth twist on it.

I wonder what the hell inspired Mr. Gordon Gallup to initiate such a study. I can say with confidence however that I would not like to meet his wife. She must be angry all time and never wanting to put out. If he gets his findings approved he can take her for a ride around the block every time she shows up with a frown slapped on her mug. This lady must have driven the man to the end of his rope if this is the only resolution he could find. But at the end of the day, I am sure all the fella’s will agree that this is just one small step for man and a huge giant step for mankind!

*In all seriousness, use a condom, practice safe sax always, and this is not an excuse to have unprotected sex. And I apologize for any remarks that seemed chauvinistic. And never tell your missus “suck my dick” (unless she likes it that way). Be more polite and tactful. Suck my dick, please luv.


Shan said...

Would I be right in assuming that this study was probably conducted by a man (or men) in an effort to get women to swallow? Hahahahaha.
Good laugh for a bleary monday afternoon!

Jax said...

Hahaha!!! Dude, that's some smooth stuff right there...the study, that is. Oh well, he's almost god-like in the eyes of men the world over, I'm sure. But you're right, what would prompt him to undertake this kind of study. I mean, on the one hand it's ridiculous and has pretty serious ramifications (had to use that word, I'm sorry), but on the other hand, it's by far the most underhanded attempt to get a girl to suck, and possibly swallow. Damn. Genius. I never thought the phrase "all in the name of science" could be applied this way.

Thanks for this man Avi...I can't really say that it's made my day or anything...but if it does, I'll let you know. ;-)

rishtafari said...

sounds like Jax is getting pretty happy with happy juice on one hand, on the other hand, and underhanded as well :)

- sorry for the cheap shot Jax ;)

Jax said...

Hahaha...Happy Juice got Jax high like the Spruce Goose (from Talespin people, come on). No worries about the cheap shot the way, what're you doing this weekend? ;-))

Avi said...

jax is bax!! aloha buddy.. isnt it nice the way we have all accepted that the same effects can be achieved by oral insemenation as by vaginal? even though the study said nothing of the sort. the power of sugestion. its what i want to hear dammit!

mela said...

There actually was a 'study' that came out a while ago which claimed there were health benefits to orally consuming semen.

I am gonna have to ask some silly doctor or professor to do a study on the benefits of men going down... um, maybe it helps strengthen neck muscles? Heh.

Avi said...

I dont really think guys would need to be convinced!

Jax said...

Yeah, we'll need more to go on. Come on. Neck muscles? I mean, if going down 3-4 times a week over a period of 6 months made me look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, then that would at least be mutually beneficial...symbiotic even! I'll be back?

Anonymous said...

Lolz Epic this is friggin hilarious... though its wednesday for me. but this made me feel like its saturday :D women swallow cums xD
My gf would like this joke :D looking forward for tonight :)