Monday, September 19, 2005

The Polls

*This entry contains is of a sexual nature. You have been warned.

I don’t know if you recall, but a few months ago my buddy Taurus Bulba and I had a lengthily discussion regarding UB40 and their impact on the world reggae scene, that resulted in a 1000 word article which in turn caused small riots to break out across the country as loyal reggae fans chose sides and defended their point of view. Actually no one really gave a shit and after 4 hours of arguing we even forgot what the hell we were talking about. But none the less, a point was made.

And now once again, my good friend Taurus is taking me to task. He lured me into, what I consider in retrospect to be a totally meaningless argument. As usual, no conclusion could be met so he suggested/instructed me to post the questions on this blog and let “reason” be determined by the few but highly intelligent readers of this log. Rishi and Rohit have been made honorary score keepers. TB has insisted upon this. Their conclusion shall be final. I hope by the end of this week we will be able to put these matters to rest. They have caused enough confusion and turmoil in my life.

The first question is this. Which statement makes more sense if any sense at all?
1. “The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.”
2. “The road of stupidity leads to the palace of excess.”

Shortly after debating the above 2 quotations, our conversation took a slightly awkward twist. This question should really only be answered by the women but if any of the gents have 2 cents to put in about, the stage is yours. You see this is slightly sensitive topic. First off, I realize that everyone has their own taste and to each their own, but we are just looking for a general consensus. So don’t be shy and give us some honest feedback.

You see all dicks are different. In fact I would go as far as to say that no two dicks are identical. Every penis is unique in its own way and can distinctively satisfy a woman (or man) sexually. You got long dicks, short dicks, skinny dicks, fat dicks, etc… Is one really better than the other? That is something I could never realistically answer and neither could TB (or many of the other guys I know). We all know that it’s not just about size. You gotta be able to use it too. None the less we spent an hour arguing about what women prefer. We concluded that in order to describe or identify the ideal penis, these three factors would be the most essential to consider.

Some penises could be compared to the long bean. Most men think its all about size. Well you have the longest pecker on the block but it aint gonna be no good if you aint got girth. Yes, GIRTH. That would be a larger circumference.

Our friend the cucumber displays ideal girth, for general standards. It has a smooth and straight shaft, although it is not as long as the long bean, I assume its form would be far more satisfying. But it is straight.

The elusive curved penis. It is rumored that woman do enjoy a slight curve as it can hit the right, spot. With a fair amount of length and girth, could the curved dick be more satisfying than a 12” cucumber dick? Then why are dildo’s all straight and not with a curve? Is there an ideal penis out there or is it all about the man attached? Don’t leave me hanging, with these questions that is.


Jax said...

Hmm...The age old question, eh? "Baby, was that good for you?" Ugh...and how many men have asked it to their 'latest' conquests? But who is being 'conquered' here, the woman who's been asked to rate on a scale of 1-10? Or the guy who's worried that "The Captain" put on a poor show, and that he'll never get over it?

I think guys the world over have serious issues due to comparison. I mean, there are several people I know who've accepted it as their fate to be less endowed than say a Lukas or an Olivier. But why? If nothing in the world has gotten men to go running for 'pharmaceutical enhancement' products, it's the legend of the foot-long. Sure it exists, and I'm also sure that every once in a while you can see it feeding at the edges of Loch Ness, bathed in the resplendent moonlight. But that's not a reason to worry. Just be confident, and do what you do.

Hey, it's not like I just go in there and do some McGyver-like stunt with a straw, a hacksaw, and the nuclear core from a Starship Enterprise ship. No, many anxious moments have been faced with all sorts of dreadful scenarios playing out in the mind.

Just do what you do. Be confident, be natural, and be willing to learn. There's no routine in's not like a robotic act. You have to be aware of your partners needs and adapt to this.

But, I guess this is a bit of a digression. To go back to the original question of the perfect combo of length, girth, and curve vs. the WHOLE 12-inches... I'd have to go with the former. More fun to have equipment that you're comfortable using than to be given (or to develop) a bazooka that you're likely to do harm with. I mean, think about it. Even if you're 6 feet tall, if you have a foot long that's about 16.67% of you that's trying to gt out of your pants every time you're aroused. How the hell would you go around every day...with horse-blinds(?) on?

blizzardofoz said...

Good question! What is the right size?
I think there is no "ideal size for all". There is however, HER ideal size. At least from the conversations I've had with women, they all prefer different sizes. The only similarity between what all of them had to say was GIRTH. They agreed that skinny dicks were good for an@l penetration, but that wouldn't always cut it for intercourse. The vaginal walls expand during intercourse so a skinny penis would get lost swimming in there. NOT that it couldn't get the woman off, but it's generally harder.
Surprisingly, the length was not that big an issue. 5-8" was the the in-demand length. Apparently over 70% of us fall into this category, so technically we shouldn't be worried. However, we still feel the need to prove our manhood, which to me is the funniest male quirk of all. As long as you can get those Skene juices to flow, you're all good. The captain's done alright.

ival said...

I think the 2 quotes should be combined into one to read, "The road of excess leads to the palace of stupidity" cos those who revel in excess ultimately do it out of stupidity and lose everything in the end.

I agree with the odd one here. After much research, I found that older girls(whom i prefer) do not really have a problem with size. They have been around the block several times and know how to get over short They can also teach you a thing or two. Younger girls who have not had much experience always seem to think bigger is better (notice the correlation of excess here). As they get older, their experience increases and their thinking of size changes too.

And I am sure you all have heard this before... Its not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. or for our mallu friends... its not the size of the Dhosa but how much Sambhar you get...that determines if you will be satisfied!!

Avi said...

Great comments fellas. What about the ladies. Guess there is no female readership here. I dont claim to have any answers but I will save my comments for after Ro and Rishi have graced us. If ever. TB?? You?

Jax said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Good one Lavi. That one goes out to ALL us Mallus out there. Have you ever heard the "Cover the face. Addi the Base," theory?

mogs said...

Regarding the 2 quotes, I can say that I definitely do not agree with the first one. That is "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom." Leading a life of excess is a form of escapism. Running away from the current mind state when things are not going according to plan. Hey, I do it loads of times....whether it be sitting in front of the tube for hours.....or picking up a book everytime my mind gets agitated. Maybe one has to experience excess to be able to see the other side of the coin. To truly feel life...for all its pleasures and pain, you cannot attempt to constantly be in a state of pleasure. That's not reality, so how can you live a life of wisdom if you are not living in reality?

As for the second statement. Is there anything such as stupidity? We all make mistakes after all. Every single human being, right? If we knew all the answers, what's the purpose of this journey called life?

rishtafari said...

Scorekeeper my ass!! Im in the game!!

Question 1.
Avi, you obviously have a readership that enjoys what you call "meaningless arguments". Are these topics really meaningless (stupidity)? Clearly your readers enjoy discussing them and airing their thoughts, as if it is some kind of therapy where you are allowed to interact and feel and say what you want without being judged, this is a helpful release and cannot be termed meaningless or stupid in my books!

Granted that in such topics we arent debating facts about revolutionary nuclear physics, lifechanging politics, and modern economics and finance,
but i feel that because the topics are light, carefree, sexy and sometimes unbeleivably silly, we tend to communicate on them at a deeply human level where being rational goes out the door and being emotional, personal, kinky and whatever else u want steps in. And when men and women learn to communicate with oneanother at this level without the fear, facade or fronting I beleive this is the path to true wisdom.

In sum: "The road of stupidity leads to the palace of excess wisdom"

Queston 2. I truly beleive that this should be left to women to answer, unless some guys out there have somthing "meaningless and stupid" to offer that we can gain some wisdom from.

rishtafari said...

i feel the need to comment on mogs comments...y'know since he is a scorekeeper and all!

wtf mogs! First you "definitely do not agree" and seconds later you think "maybe one has to experience excess to see..."

T.Bulba, dont trust this scorekeeper, he's got his own agenda: to confuse the shisstss out of every one of us, and he will use his scorekeeping powers to do so! Beware scorekeeper mogs!!

Avi said...

Rishi- I agree. I think the power got to Ro's head and made him an egotistical bastard with a Napoleon complex. And as fpr your rant about the "meaningless argument", have you ever thought that I am trivializing the issue so people feel less pressure when responding?! So don’t be a trouble maker.

Ro- Is there such a thing as stupidity?! FUCK YES!! You forgot about working in the Accra warehouses? Just drive down a street in Jakarta and you will see how utterly stupid some bus drivers are.

Jax- MacGyver with a straw. That is some funny shit man. But I see now that you is a Mr. lover man.. SHABAA!

Ival- I had mysore dosa for dinner last night. The sambar was in a very small bowl and that made it difficult to scoop up enough (i need alot). What do you think this means? I am not a Malu so I cant decipher it.

I begin to fear this topic may have been to crude as no females have cared to respond. Or it might be that I have no female readership. I think the penis subject will be laid to rest with the thought that it is the motion of the ocean, as Jax so delicately put it.

And as for the sayings, you guys came up with your own! Who the fuck asked you to do that? And you are supposed to be judges to and both with fucking MBA’s!! “The first question is this. Which statement makes more sense if any sense at all?” Choose one. Kan nee na bai chow chee bai!!! As for me, if you read my post from September 7th, you will where I stand on this.

But seriously, thanks for the time and effort in dealing with this. I assure you I will have TB leave us some feedback too.

Avi said...


And Ro, this is somthing we are going to discuss over a cup of Chai. I am concidering a lay over in Mumbai just to deal with this!

mogs said...

Haha...chale Avi....come down for a cup of chai...even if it is not to discuss this...

Rish - you got me there.

taurus said...

gentlemen (and ladies when they decide to crawl out of from under that rock),
i feel that there is far too much input for something which is definitely trivial and should be quite basic. firstly, we really just wanted to know who made more sense with the first statement- me or avi. that simple. grammatically no one really cares either. and second avi claims that the angle of the dangle is an important factor in giving women pleasure. being bent can take a woman to places where a straighter bloke would have trouble finding. i think rishi is right and we should leave that to a woman to decide. however, anyone's views on that SPECIFIC topic would be great.
but all this dr. phil-esque psycho babble about be happy with what u have, HER ideal size, motions of oceans- now thats a bit much! rish and ro- why u gotta complicate shit?
avi- the opposite of excess is moderation. i know u will have never heard of this word, so i may as well teach u a new one at the same time. temperance. look it up.

Avi said...

Do you people see what I have to put up with? You know I love you TB.

I have no idea what mederation is. Most would not find that surprising. And according to Ro, it is escapism. Okay. I can live with that. But more to the point are the questions at hand which TB so graciously clearified.

As far as temperance goes. I got three words for you Sok moi dyick!! Lets not make this personal.

rishtafari said...

avi never thought you had an issue with excess, just extremism. Yes I think you are an extremist, and who said thats bad... all this bullshit about you gotta be in balance etc... fight to power and continue to be urself!

Avi said...

hear me when i come, baby!

taurus said...

and to end this discussion, this is what it should be-

if you think you are on the road of excess wisdom, you are probably already in the palace of stupidity.

Anonymous said...

fuck off you pretencious prick. spell check can suck moi dyiK!!!