Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Freaky Food

I had quite a day yesterday. I spent the afternoon wandering around Shamian Island, which was mighty interesting (I will blog about it later). And after having a few beers there, I met up with some friends at my home away from home pub here in Guangzhou. As usual, we got pretty lively and by about midnight we decided to head out to YES night club. I have mentioned this place before. It is supposedly the biggest club in Asia. Anyways, you can see from the outside of the place that it is pretty funky.

And there was a fleet of flashy cars parked right out side the bar. I have noticed all the show rooms here, including Bentley, Ferrari, Porsche, and Rolls Royce but I had never seen any rides out and about. It looked like all the boys were out tonight.

That was only the right side of the entrance. Check out the left side. I am not really into cars even but this line up did cause me to step back and say DAMN!

You are not really allowed to take pictures of the bar itself but I did snap this chick at the door as I was walking in. Its kind of ironic that the camera actually captured the scene as I was seeing it through my eyes. I was feeling sketchy as hell and I knew if I had 2 or 3 more drinks that the night would not end. I felt a little bit of crazy coming along and I was in no mood to deal with that so I decided to call it a night and wandered around the streets until about 2am.

That is just about when the hunger kicked in. I had not eaten since brunch and I was seriously fiending for a fix. I have heard some pretty scary stories about restaurants and food in China so I have made it a point to never get over adventurous out here regarding this. But at 2 in the morning my choices were less than limited and my innards were beginning to feed on themselves.

So I saw this spot that looked like a regular chicken rice place only a few blocks from where I live. It had the big glass cases in the front but there were all empty. I decided to go in and try my luck. No one spoke a word of English and I still do not know how to speak Chinese. I tried to ask for a chicken, duck, and then a pig using my best Old McDonald animal sounds. Either the staff there did not learn this nursery rhyme in school or they were just playing stupid and watching me make an ass of my self.

I eventually just pointed at a picture of some red meaty sauce and noodles. I could not get a clear answer on what kind of meat I was going to get but I was hoping for the best. Once again by means of my animal sounds I did not bring about a spark to any of these waiters eyes that could illuminate me as to what was about to come my way. It did not take long before the dish was placed before me with a cold bottle of San Miguel beer. It tasted mostly like pork but there were some extremely soft pieces of meat in there that kind of freaked me out. None the less, I took it all down lock, stock, and barrel.

The whole time I was eating though, these 2 waiters stood poised directly in front of me smiling and giving me the thumbs up sign. I hope it was because they found me undeniably attractive and not because they were amused to see some foreigner take down a plate of goat’s balls and noodles. I know some of you sick fucks are going to try and convince me that I made a meal of Benji or Lassie. But this is where I say ignorance is bliss. I woke up feeling swell and have had a hell of a day so far. I probably will not be heading to that area for a while though, lest I should find out what that dish really was.


Anonymous said...

u make me laugh at the end of a hard jakartan day. and yet what u say is so ordinary. nice one. couldnt u mime goats balls??

Shan said...

dude - aw man, i'd be worried as all hell esp with the waiters smiling at you. But i have to say that from the pix those noodles actually look pretty tasty. Damn.

Jax said...

Dude, I wouldn't worry about it...consuming genetalia of domesticated species, that is. And what if those two guys were trying to see if you'd actually go ahead and eat what had been served up? Well, your best bet would be to hope that there was a hidden camera somewhere around and that you were now some kind of local hero...or at least a face everyone knew.

But the club looks "intense" man...and the line up of 'rides' outside was no joke. Speaking from the IT capital of India (a heavily disputed claim when it comes to the Hyderabad vs. Bangalore thing) I'd have to say we still have a good 10 years to go before people figure out what they want to do...and then we can hope for a club like that.

Eagerly awaiting your next adventure.