On my first trip to Amsterdam in 1999 the first thing I did after landing in Schiphol Airport was take a piss. I headed straight for the men’s room and unleashed the dragon in the urinal. Looking down I noticed an insect in chilling on the porcelain, just slightly northwest of the drain. Subconsciously I directed my stream of warm piss towards the creature, eager to douse him in a golden shower. As I drew closer the critter did not budge and the piss landed on it dead on. I took a closer look only to find that what I had been targeting was actually a picture of a fly on the urinal. I looked to the urinals on either side of me and observed that both of them have the same image on exactly the same spot. WOW! How fucking smart these stoned Dutch people must be to have figured out that men will instinctively shoot straight for the insect when taking a piss. My first impression of Amsterdam was a good one, and as you can imagine things only got more surreal as my stay there progressed. The only variation to that theme I have seen is in Aphrodite, the bar at Club Rasuna in Jakarta. They actually have a goal post with a urinal cake ball hanging from a string in it. How many times have I stood there cheering for myself as I keep the ball bouncing in and out of the posts? Such is the importance of making a man piss straight. When I pictured rooms full of scientists quantifying solutions to the problem, it just blew me away. My thoughts were brought back to light during my most recent trip to Macau when I saw this urinal pad below me. Messages on TV screens, radios, and the sides of busses will just not cut it.
When you really want to reach into mans mind, this is the only way to do it. I WILL say NO to drugs!!!