Monday, May 30, 2005

Speedy Gonzalez

*Warning- Sexually explicit content. None of the advise given below is from a doctor so I am not responsible for any accidents that may befall you as a result of reading this blog.

So me and my buddy Gonzo were chilling out and having a conversation the other day. Now let me make it clear right now that this is another Gonzo. And once again I assure you THIS IS NOT ME!! So we were talking about sex, as we usually do. Some things came into perspective and well other things just became more out of reach for me to understand. There was one topic we touched upon that I did want to share with you.

There is so much pressure for a man to “perform” during sex as compared to a woman. I mean we have to show up with a solid erection and be able to maintain that hard-on during at least 15 minutes of foreplay (that is the minimum) and then pound away for another 15 minutes without cuming or going flaccid. This would be regarded as a decent session, I hope. What does the woman have to bring to the table? Yes we both do the work but she does not have to stay so focused on the game and she can just flow from one orgasm into the next without skipping a beat. And even if the girl is especially good with the moves or the dirty talk, she is just going to make you shoot your load earlier. If you are with your girl friend or fuck buddy and you do pull a one minute wonder then you can at least apologize and make up for it in rounds 2 and 3. But what if this is your first time hooking up with a hot chick you have been dating only a few weeks. You want to make a good impression but the chick has got you completely blue balled. How can you save face?

In all honestly I can say that a lot of fella’s have been faced with this dilemma, especially in college. I mean if you are just a normal guy like me then you were not getting the action every weekend, and I think to say you were getting it every month would still make you a hero in my books. Lets take Gonzo for example. He could be spanking the monkey every day but that does not even come close to being with a real woman. So when he finally hooked up with a hottie at a party and things got heavy, they ended up back at his place and in his bedroom. She was ready for some good loving and proceeded to undress and slowly undress Gonzo. Now although Gonzo was in the mood and was completely participating in the foreplay, in the back of his mind he was worried that he might not be at the top of his game, and worse than that he remembered that he had not wanked in 2 days. As she slowly kissed his chest and headed down town to give him some head he got worried. He feared he might bust a load right in her face or worse in her mouth. Now I can share in his pain here cause you never really know till you ask if a girl needs a warning sign before you shoot. Does she move away, does she spit, or does she swallow? That is not an easy question to just bring up. It’s a pretty stressful spot to be in when in fact you should be having the time of your life hooking up with a hot sorority girl.

After she was down on him for only 2 minutes he already felt his knee’s going week and he knew something had to give. Before letting go he pulled her up and quickly went down on her. He stayed there quite a while and every time she tried to reciprocate he would just tell her to lay back and enjoy. His philosophy behind this was that even if he came real fast when they started to hit it, that she would still dig him cause he gave her so much oral attention. And being the vain bastard he is, he did not want her to ruin his rep with her friends. Needless to say, as soon as his pecker entered her tight hole, he shot his load. Oh, Speedy Gonzalez… These things happen and here are a few ways for you to work around it.

1. Spank your monkey before going out on a date. If you have bonus hook up like Gonzo did then you must make a trip to the bathroom at some point to clean out your pipes. But make it fast so she don’t think you are takin a shit or something. Big turn off.

2. Think about sports or something that will totally NOT excite you. This might ricochet and bite you in the ass if you think about something too close to home and end up killing your erection. You need a balanced vision. Plan one in advance and don’t rely on instinct. There have been brothers who have rendered themselves impotent because they left the thought processes to the last minute.

3. Tie a rubber band around the base of your cock. Now I have never personally tried this and too be honest I find it a bit freaky. But it should keep you hard. Just don’t abuse the power and go at it to long. You might end up loosing your toy.

4. Tell your chick, “Baby, you are so hot I could not help my self. You are the best I have ever had. That has never happened before”!

5. Switch positions when you feel you are about to come. You need to be a bit acrobatic to pull it off but anyone who as experienced this knows, every extra second count’s. Missionary to Doggy, Doggy to Spoon, Spoon to Scissor, etc…

6. Spend extra long with foreplay to divert attention and create and excuse for the catastrophe that will soon follow.

7. There are some creams and pills available but I would not really fuck with that. They kind of numb out your penis so the sensation is dulled. But I know with most trigger happy hommies, it is the mental stimulation that fires the bullet. Also you might think that the girl will not know you are using the ointment and you can shine like a star after banging her for an hour and giving her multiple orgasms. But let me tell you that if any of that stuff gets on her goodies, she will be as numb as you and you would not be able to get her of with a 12” dildo with a super vibrating feature.

8. Practice masturbating and stopping right before you hit climax. Keep doing this until you just can’t take it any more. This is like taking your dick to the gym.

There are various other methods that you can find online if you do have a serious problem. But ladies, you just need to be more understanding. Don’t be making jokes about the 3 minute man. All’s it probably is, is that you are just too damn hot. I mean, if he pulls a Flash Gordon on the first round, at least give him a chance to redeem himself in round 2 and 3. If he can’t, then by all means find a new man. If you love the guy then talk it though. Buy some toys, and by all means make sure you get your kicks. Whatever you do, just keep it safe and have fun. Don’t know how many ladies read this blog but some feedback would be handy for Speedy Gonzalez.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... the rubber band sounds interesting. :)

SassyLush said...

there's nothing wrong with blowing your load in her face or all over her breasts, in fact most of us girls love that, we love to see what we can do to you. I especially encourage it in round 1 when you are fully loaded and launch your biggest assault, the more jizz the better. Be proud of what you got!!!

Avi said...

sassy-hearing a woman say that, I have been completly inspired and I am sure other fella's here are too. The next dame I hook up with better bring her goggles!

Anonymous said...

All the techniques are valid as ive tried some of them, at least your giving people the right information, tell gonzo to keep it up.......

Anonymous said...

sassy, i launched an assault last night and i had you in mind ;-)

SassyLush said...

Pour some sugar on me!

Anonymous said...

wow definitely an eye opener, i never truly realized men had so much on their mind just to satisfy us women! lol

Avi said...

honey, you got no idea!!!