Thursday, July 21, 2005


You ever heard that saying, “Be careful what you wish for”? Well fame is really a double edged sword. This is something most of us realize but yet inside our hearts and minds we sometimes do wish to be the center of attraction and affection. I guess I can track these emotions back to high school. I was never a popular kid. I guess you could say that I was quite the opposite. From the side lines we always knew who the “cool” people were and personally I did not aspire to be like them but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little elated when one of the popular chicks acknowledged me in public or in private for that matter. Actually looking back, I probably did most of the stupid things I did in school to fit in with the ‘cool’ kids. But there were a lot of stupid things I did just because I am stupid. Suspended and eventually asked to leave.

There were and are other kids who push hard to fit into the ‘right’ groups and make the ‘right’ friends. Sometimes they would be accepted and other times they are mocked and called wannabe’s. Growing up can be very harsh and cruel but there are also certain joys you discover growing into your own skin. We all have our own stories and experiences about this I am sure. Some proud moments come to mind and I also recall behaving in ways that make me feel ashamed. But we grow past it and move on. Writing this now I have opened up my mind to so many fresh thoughts but rather then dive into philosophical issues here I am going to stick to what I started writing about in the first place, FAME.(sing-I wanna live foreeva, I wanna learn how to fly)

I remember my first acid trip. I dropped the tab and while waiting for ‘something to happen’ I kicked back and watched The Doors movie. Although I have never planned it, I coincidently watched The Doors the first time I got really drunk (half a bottle of Chivas all alone on the couch at home, 15 years old) and the first time I smoked enough weed to actually go comatose (the same week as the Chivas I think. Parents were out of town). Of course dropping for the first time I had no idea what to expect so I probably starting trippin half way through the movie. I recall watching and thinking about how fame really destroyed Morrison. When he started writing of course, he was just doing what came to him naturally. When he joined the band with Ray, none of us can really say for sure what his intentions were but I guess it was just what was being done at the time, with music and revolution in the 60’s. I do not believe he sought to be famous but he did embrace the idea and experience. According to the film (not to books that some of us may have read) he enjoyed the fame and it eventually turned around and bit him on the ass. He started to believe that he was larger than life. He destroyed the relationships he had and he hurt the people who cared for him most. He ended up a broken spirit and retreated to Paris where he eventually met with an untimely death. We could go on forever discussing and debating Jim alone but that is a conversation to be had in person and over a bottle of bourbon whiskey.

At that point I really got it… You know that trip where it all made sense and everything fell into place. Image, fame, and fortune took on a totally different definition in my mind and I still hold those ideas close to my being. That trip changed me for a long time and some of you might remember that phase. But that is another story for a bottle of bourbon. Although it may be obvious to some of us that fame is a double edged sword, there are still those who just do not see it. I see guys who are older than me looking to be an actor or a rock star, not because they love the art but because they want to be worshipped. And hell, let me just come out and say it, they want the pussy!! I have seen other great musicians however, who play in some stinky dive, even though they have been offered record deals and the stage at some fancy clubs.

Fortune on the other hand is a different story. Hell, you can keep the fame but I want some MONEY!! I don’t like it when I hear artists being called sell outs. Everybody has their needs and who are we to judge. Of course artists now days are super excessive but I don’t find much soul in their music anyways. What depth am I going to find in a song about how many cars, bitches, boats, and cribs you got? I like the music and beat and I groove to it but I know it isn’t timeless like Hendrix. There are a few mentionable artists like Tupac (poet in my eyes) and even Pharel (genius beats) that may live on. But hey, Ill take some money any day and you are a damn fool if you don’t, because that record company is gonna make some fat cat even richer anyways. It is just up to an artist then, how they handle that fortune and how it affects their humility. But fortune you see is not as intrusive as fame.

Another classic was Elvis. The man was a God. He was the pinnacle of fame and that is what essentially killed him. The colonel rode him all the way to the finish line. He was truly a victim of his own success. Poor Cobain actually had to shoot himself to escape. So with all that knowledge, why do people still want to be famous? First you are loved, worshiped and adored. Then people are watching your every move, commenting on what you wear, where you go, who you fuck, and even what you eat for god’s sakes!! The same parasites that once idolized you can turn into your worst critics. Although it may seem like I am a really hard guy, I will admit that I am pretty sensitive. I can handle some criticism but when things get truly hurtful I can’t handle it. I can only image how people must feel reading what ‘other people’ think about them. Some people are thick skinned are not effected by the nonsense, like the Rolling Stones. Those sons of bitches take one hell if a kickin’ but they still keep on tickin’. You have to live up to the expectations of so many people!!!

I guess what gave rebirth to all these thoughts in my head once again is a series of events that have recently unfolded on some of the blog’s I enjoy reading. I don’t really care to write too much about it but I am reminded that I enjoy posting here for myself and the few friends who come by and enjoy it with me. I am quite happy with my 30 hits a day as opposed to the 3,000 that I once hoped for. I am just going to remain content being a rock star mingling anonymously amongst the masses (is that tongue in cheek Rishi?). Nuff said, have a good weekend and happy fuck faces to all of you.

Hey… I’ll make you famous. - Billy the Kid while holding a gun up to the face of his next victim.


rishtafari said...

yes avi that is "tongue in cheek"
And at the risk of herecy, to me you are more famous and important than brutha bob, so give yourself a hug cos I luv you bro! You see now, you've already made it big and you didnt even know. Now stop falling asleep at traffic lights and git yr shit together.

Avi said...

I love you too dawg *sniff* And not to worry, I am cruizin de tazi!

AmitD said...

Avi, I would take da dallas over da fame any day my friend. I for one hate being in the spotlight. I would rather have mucho moolah and go chill in a corner somewhere enjoying life glad that nobody is up in my business. I like to watch shows like cribs and stuff but I never feel jealous or anything. They did their shit and their are getting theirs... simple as that. If I got off my ass and did some shit maybe I woulda got mine as well but that is something else altogether. It is quite funny how these rappers etc flaunt their stuff on the music videos. I was cracking up this weekend when I watched some rappers in the desert with nothing in the video except some wicked ass Benz. It had no reason to be there of course but it was and that same damn car was in about 5 other videos!! Anyway, I remember the "cool" cats in my school as well and they were mostly dickheads and I had absolutely no interest in hanging with them probably coz I was perfectly comfortable in my own skin and had my own group of friends who I was very happy with. On many occasions I was kind of a dickhead myself (bad bad temper) but I learned from that and thankful that I did.
Shit... too much rambling in this post...sorry fellas.

ival said...

Avi...its cool have a good head on your shoulders and that means a lot man. Remember the other post...i will say it again...All your experiences have made you who you are and you know it...thats the best.

Same goes for all ye fellas...we are what our experiences have made us. Someday we may change becos we are still experiencing. But for now...enjoy all your experiences!!

Avi said...

Lavi - Mahalo bro. Lets just hope I can keep it real when the real money starts rollin in ;-)

Amit - Get off your ass and get us one of them cribs man!!

Jax said...

Wow, man. Yet another truly inspiring and honest piece bro. I can definitely relate to most of the things said here. Yeah, I did lots of shit in high school. I hurt a lot of people...and I 'fell' in the eyes of people who thought I was the 'nice fellow'. In fact, one of the things that I can't get over is how lots of people have told me that they expect so much from me...that I have potential. But I haven't bought that, and I can't figure out why. Pretty crazy stuff man. Oh, and gaining perspective on a 'trip'? Intense experience man...I totally hear you. Although, a couple of trips and countless joints later all I had to show for it was a spazzed out dance on the JITB floor...he he he...and a 'cracked' skull. Just content to be a small time guy in South India at the moment...taking life as it deals the cards. "Hit me." Ambitionless? Maybe ambition is over rated. This has inspired me to post on my, amazing how many people can relate to each other on very similar issues/topics. The Brotherhood of Man!