Thursday, December 01, 2005

Trimmin' the Bushes (revisited)

*I initially wrote this last May but I have decided to post it up again (with some changes). I got a pretty busy day ahead, PLUS some people NEED reminding!

I woke up this morning listening to White Rabbit, caught a shave and a hot shower, ready to face the day! While catching a shave and trimming my goatee I started to think (a dangerous sport for me I might add), that I have been to barbers who cut my hair and I have been to barbers that shave me and give serious attention to my facial hair. Some of those guys in India have even gone as far as to pinch up my nose and take a whack at some straggling nose hairs… But where does one go to trim the bushes?

Now I don’t need to stress the importance of keeping your bushes prim. In this day and age oral sex has become the new first base. And no one wants to go hunting through the jungles for a little bit of fruit, be it a peach or a banana. And if any of you out there have a problem with going down on a guy or girl then I just feel sorry for you. I used to hang out with a bunch of over testosterone guys who believed going down on a chick was nasty and thought any guy who did was a bitch but let me tell you fellas, your missin out. You know how they say "the way to a mans heart is through his stomach"? This is the way to a woman's...

First the guys, now if you are a relatively hairy guy, meaning you have at least some hair on your upper thighs, chest and just a little on your back, you cant just go in and clean up the area without looking like your crotch was attacked by a lawnmower. Articles I have read in the past do state that you have to work it into the surrounding areas which I think would take a lot of effort and dare I say some talent. There has to be a FADE gentlemen. This is not an area you would want to mess around in with a sharp pair of scissors in hand so you might want to consider using a beard trimmer rather than a hair trimmer because it is smaller and you can get some more detail into it.

I have narrowed the male options down to 3. One is the classic Afro. Let go and let it grow. This may be a bit unhygienic but some girls dig it as long as you keep it clean. Then we have the Top Gun which is like a crew cut. You should also take the time to clip away the long wormy hairs on your nut sack and glutch, but go slowly!! In this same category there are a number of variations like, the Beckham, with a small punked up strip, the Jason Donovan, a nice over hanging fringe, or the Boy George, some colored strands and tassels hanging off. Basically whatever you fancy at that point in time. What you would definitely NOT want to venture towards is the Bob Marley. Not hygienic dudes. And of course lastly we have the Porn Star which a lot of guys do opt for. As you can imagine, this method takes a lot of care and attention. You will be using a razor blade against your groin and also against your nut sack. You must be careful to stretch the skin so as not to get any caught between the blades. The Gillette Mach 3 may be great for your face with 3 independently suspended blades BUT that is 3 times the trouble for any loose skin! You would also need a full body wax to carry this one off which I think is pretty lame, cause I mean, you need to have some body hair, cause you’re a man damit! You don’t ant to look like you just had chemo.

As for the ladies, my advise can only seem limited to you. Cause honestly I lack experience and knowledge here. Now some fellas, not me, dig the au natural. I mean if I wanna go flossing Ill stop at the pharmacy. Ze Germanz have a reputation for not shaving their arm pits or trimming the bushes so if it works for you great, but there are so many facilities out there to help you women take care of this. I mean when you go in for a bikini wax, do they have all the options listed on some sort of price card? Are there pictures of the finished product? The way I see it there are 3 fashions as well, not including the au natural. You can have the airstrip, cool design, or clean shaven. All of which are very cool. Some might argue that the airstrip should just fall under the cool designs but NO… It deserves a category of its own just cause it is so wikid. As far as designs go I have seen only a few but I have heard of some pretty wild stuff like initials being trimmed and even whole statements. I saw a heart once which was cool. What else they got out there? I feel so ignorant. Clean shaven is definitely a good way to go if you wanna get your man down there. And one important thing, if you are gonna keep it smooth then keep working at it cause no one like the pricklies. Whatever it is you are doing ladies, just keep it safe and fresh.

Now one thing people normally worry about is weather their hair would grow back thicker and harder after shaving. The truth of the matter is hair that grows back after a shave is just new hair so it is healthier giving it the appearance of being thicker. So fret not and go wild next Friday evening before hitting the clubs. Before attempting these you must soak in a hot tub for at least 15 minutes to loosen up the pubes.


Jax said...

Truly Awesome Avi. I can't help but like the matter-of-fact way in which you break down such topics. And it's rather informative too! Like you pointed out, there are those people, guys, who'll do the whole testosterone overloaded thing and just ignore a topic like this if brought up...or just say, "That's bullshit" and try and change the topic. And it's not like it's taboo or anything. Very cool again man. And I agree with you about the full body wax thing man. You want something with no hair, get a Mexican Hairless or something.

Tres cool man. And I have to ask you this, but other than the blog, have you been writing professionally, or have you been getting things pubilshed?

Jax said...

Oh, and where do you get such awesome images from man? I think that really adds to the effect that your writing creates. Smooth bro!

AmitD said...

Avi is still a damn dirty bastid man!! Can't write for shit!! hehe just kiddin dawg... you know i looove ya.
Whoooop that pussy baby!!! Don't let that pussy whoop you!!!!

Avi said...

Thanx again Jax. I spend quite some time on Google images looking for exactly what I want. As for being published... No chance.. I did write to the Penthouse forum once..

And Amit, sokmoidyik!!