Sadness

*You might find this post a bit disturbing. I know that I do. But it is reality and if you can not handle it then please stop reading now. Plus it's really looooong!!

This is not something I enjoy writing or thinking about but recent events in the news have left me no choice and as much as I have tried to avoid thinking about it, feelings and images have been haunting me over the last week.

This week I read an article in the Jakarta post that was placed in the side bar. It was a small article and most people who only scour the headlines would probably have missed it. A German man returning home to Germany from a holiday in Bali with his Indonesian girlfriend and her 6 year old son was arrested. On the flight the young buy needed to use the bath room so the man accompanied him as most fathers do. When he returned the mother noticed he had a nose bleed and later spotted blood trickling down the young boy’s leg. The man later confessed to the Jakarta police while accompanied by a member of the German consulate/embassy that he stuck his finger in the boy’s ass while in the bathroom…

I also saw a clip on BBC news about 2 British men who were running a charity for homeless children in Mumbai. They had been collecting money through their organization in Britain to set up and run an orphanage in India. Both men were over 50 years old and from their pictures they looked pretty much like any blue eyed, grey haired male, you would run into on the street. They were recently convicted for child abuse along with an Indian accomplice. They had been sodomizing the same kids they were collecting money to save. [link]

Quite a while ago I recall reading a story about an Australian man in Bali who was once employed by their embassy here and was also arrested in connection to child molestation charges. During the trial he hung himself in his jail cell. Stories like this are becoming more and more frequent. These are only a few I recall from memory but if was to do search on the net I am positive there would be hundreds if not thousands of cases all over the world. And those are only the ones that have been reported and we know about.

Rather than simply dismiss such behavior as sick and demented, I try to understand what these freaks are thinking. No person is stupid enough not to realize that using charity as a mask to fuck young boys, or trying to join the mile high club with a six year old child is wrong. Is the German dude sitting in his cell right now wondering why he did such a sick perverted thing to an innocent boy, or is he asking himself why the hell he could not control his urges until he got home?

The most fucked up have to be the fathers who take advantage of their own sons and daughters. There have to be moments in their minds, when they are alone, and they know they will burn in hell, or suffer some horrible fate for these atrocities they commit. They must realize that they are giving in to some disgusting and immoral perversion. How do the minds of these educated people (most of them are) justify this behavior? And what goes through the mind of the priest who sticks his hands down a little boys pants during confession? He surely must consider what his God must be thinking.

There have been a few films that have delved the minds of such perverts. Lolita was written in 1955 and since then there have been 2 film renditions of it. The first was directed by Stanley Kubrick in 1967 and the second in 1997 by Adrian Lyne. I thought the first was way more insightful. Both films are very well made and full of symbolism. If you are not familiar, it is a story of a man who looses his childhood love at a very young age and for that reason notices beauty in young girls. He finds it in Lolita, the daughter of a guest house owner where he is staying. They eventually run away together as the interest is reciprocated. The main male character is a normal man, very charming and delightful in many ways. He does not fit the norm of what most people, then and now, would imagine a sexual predator to be. However the story does harbor another sinister character that is creepy, dressed in dark clothes, and always smokes a cigarette, played by Peter Sellers. He lurks in the shadows trying to lure Lolita to himself. He is typically what you would imagine a pedophile to be. And although both men are equally deranged, one does feel morally superior to the other. The films attempt to make the viewer feel some sympathy for the main character. But the story is romanticized and Lolita is not really portrayed as a victim until the very end. And even then it is not obvious.

In 2004 a film was released staring Kelvin Bacon called The Woodsman. It basically paints the picture of a rehabilitating pedophile and does try very subtly to draw some sympathy for him. His crimes are not romanticized at all and Bacon is living is self contempt for what he has done. It is a fairly realistic portrayal from what I would imagine. He battles his demons and does not expect to be forgiven for his past misgivings. In the end he seeks redemption by saving children from pedophiles like himself. This must have been a very hard roll to play because finding and become that character within the actors mind could be extremely disturbing. There are doors in there that just do not need to be open but collectively the has put together a moving and insightful picture about a subject that is very difficult to talk about.

No film or story can really emulate what a child goes through in the hands of these monster. And for victims such attempts could seem insulting and offensive to say the least. Most people would say why bother even trying to understand, just string them up on a tree by their balls and let’s wail on them with baseball bats. I feel that way too. I do not believe there is any room in society for people who can not control their desires. We all have thoughts. hopefully not about molesting children but sometimes you just want to shoot some fucko in the head after he corners you in a raw business deal, or you want to slit the throat of the Metro bus driver who just rammed into your brand new BMW. Maybe you want to pop the guy you just caught in bed with your wife or girlfriend. Some people have more serious problems that I can’t begin to imagine. But as human beings we are given choice, and free will. We have the knowledge and the inner voice to know what is right and what is wrong. This sets us apart from the other animals around us. If a person realizes that they have these sexual desires and they can not be controlled, they should do themselves and the rest of us a favor by sticking a 45 down their throat and pulling the fucking trigger.

I am not a believer in God and there are more than a few flaws in humanity that I can forgive and in some cases even understand. And with this one I have tried but there is no justification what so ever that could allow me to feel even an ounce of pity for child molesters. Some people call them monsters but that’s not true. Monsters have power, and these men and women who lust after children are parasites.

When I was 12 years old I was in a position that could have become very ugly. I have never talked about this with anyone but my sister. It is not something I really want to talk about with anyone else either so don’t ask. But every time I read about stories like this I think of that fucker and I want to ram my fist down his throat. I am strong now and he is old and weak. The experience did not scar me in any way but rather made me wiser. I never even gave the situation much thought until I was well into my 20’s. But as I am being honest, I guess I should just lay it out there. It was just something that happened and that is all. And I assure you it was not as bad as you imagine it to be.

I wish that there was some way to conclude this entry but there really isn’t. There is no positive spin to put on any of this but it is just something I needed to get out. This shit will keep happening unlike other crimes that can be solved by education and the obliteration of poverty. It might happen, though it is not likely. But shit like this, it will not go away until we all go away. Children will go missing, aged rock stars like Gary Glitter and MJ will retreat to obscure countries where they hope their crimes shall pass unnoticed (as long as they can afford it). This ‘affliction’ which was common to men has also been found in women such as Mary Kay Letourneau who has now given birth to children from her 13 year old victim. Its only getting worse. Sometimes I really wish a giant meteorite would slam into this obscure little planet and just put an end to all this bull shit.