Friday, May 12, 2006

Freaky Friday

So I am back in Jakarta. It’s been a week now. I would like to say I have been laying low but I have been out at least 4 out of the 8 nights here. Not doing anything crazy but just settling in. My drinking habit picked up while I was in Guangzhou. I would usually grab a beer at the pub after work or settle down with a whiskey at home. So I guess one could say that I have been very slowly climbing back onto the wagon. Very, very, slowly.

The other night, returning home from a bar near my home, I stopped outside my front door to pick up a large plant that had tipped over and come loose from its pot. Usually I would just walk by and deal with it in the morning but I felt in that tipsy moment that it was my duty to return the plant to its post.

After that I began to unlock my front door when I felt a sting on my hand, then more on my arm followed by a series of stings on my neck. I was being attacked by fucking RED ANTS!!! The bastards were all over me. I started striping down to my boxers right there on the front porch and fumbled with the keys so I could run in and jump in the shower.

The sons of bitches went ballistic on my ass. This picture was right after my shower and my whole neck and shoulders were red. I had a nice buzz going before this happened and I was hoping for a good nights sleep. Instead I was tossing, turning, and itching all night. The mutha fuckers weren’t even that big. They were like tiny little specs not even the size of a grain of rice but man could they pack a punch. They had me feeling all nauseas and shit.

So the next day I expect the bites to just be some red spots that disappear by evening. But if you take a close look at this picture, you can see what happened. This was the first one to appear. Where I got bitten there appeared this white boil or bubble like thing right on top of a red bump. It was not filled with a freaky liquid or anything but it did tear when I itched leaving a small open sore. I got about 5 on my arm and six on my neck. This happened Monday, it is now Friday and the red spots are still there. And they still itch! I am 29 years old. This kind of shit is not supposed to happen to me anymore.

Now on another freaky note, I have a hit counter on my blog that tells me how many people are reading the blog and where they come in from etc. It also shows when this blog has been pulled up by a search engine and what key words were typed into the search. It is always pleasant to see that one of my hotel or restaurant reviews have come in handy to some one. A lot of the time it gets pulled up by perverts looking for porn because of all the profanity I use. I also get regular hits for the Cusano Rojo Mescal review and even a couple recently for the Pineapple Beer. It’s pretty cool to see what people are looking up.

Probably more than 6 months ago I wrote some entry where I used the words Suhaag Raat, which kind of means Honeymoon in Hindi. But more than that, the Suhaag Raat is the first night that a husband and wife actually sleep together. I swear to god, that term gets hits at least twice a day. There are a bunch of people looking for Suhag Raat pictures, stories, and even tips!! I got to compile something one of these days. Even if and when I do look for porn, I am not looking for honeymoon snapshots! Every fucking day people are looking for this stuff.

What has compelled me to write about this actually is a search that I saw on my counter today. I never even new such an issue existed. “how to get rid of cone shaped nipples on men” WHAAATTT!!??? What the hell is a cone shaped nipple and now I am super stressed that I have them. And why in gods name has my blog been listed under this search? If you follow the link it somehow connects to my review of Kono Pizza which is totally inappropriate. Do any of you have cone shaped nipples? I just hope the cone is like sharp side up and not the other way around cause those could be some scary nipples. But I guess you could pour honey or other funky stuff in them during foreplay. Now my mind is going to some really freaky places.

Anyways, I am outa here. Gonna hit the bar and think about not drinking for a while. Have a good weekend.


treespotter said...

okay.... actually, i'm just impressed that you still took the picture of the plant.

and yes, for search result, wait til you get one of those weird zebra sex shit...

btw, did you bring any of the nice stuff home?

Jax said...

Yup, good job with putting the plant back man. They need love too.

And about the ants, damn bro, you're lucky you got away lightly. Any chance they were nestled in the plant, or the pot, waiting to attack someone? Uh, and you may have heard this before, but the scratching was a bad idea, and if you happened to have some "thulasi" around then you could've used the leaves to rub on the bites.

About the freaky searches, I've been tempted to et one of those hit counter thingies, but I don't post anywhere near as much useful info as you. Also, your style of embellishing your posts with visuals is tres cool. And don't worry about 'freaks' out there looking for crazy shit...that they'll always do because it's who/what they are.

But I draw the line at "cone shaped nipples". WTF?!?!?!?

Shan said...

I feel you dude, I get quite a number of kinky hits. But then again it's my own fault really, given what the moniker for my blog is :D

Avi said...

I just dont get what the hell cone shaped nipples are. I think people have become way to self concious.

Sorry Tree. No goodies.

I got loads of itches that I should not scratch, but I always do. Part of my nature I guess ;-)he he he