I got home last Thursday, filled to the brim with negative energy and frustration from the week past. I had been running all over town doing work that my team should have been able to handle but those fuckers have been thinking as straight as rollercoaster’s these last few weeks. By Friday morning I woke up with the realization that if I did not blow off some steam this weekend I could run the risk of biting some innocent secretary’s head off for putting too much sugar in my coffee or worse yet, wearing a yellow shirt. I do not like yellow shirts. So before even heading to the office that day, I made a firm decision that I need to laid, TODAY!
By 12 pm my mind started wandering. Who should I make the trusted booty call to? Considering I have been too busy to play the fields recently, my options were slim. I drafted a real classy SMS that was a clear invitation for some Friday night fun but just humorously suggested some kinky fornication. I hit it out to all the potential in my phone book. Most of the numbers were no longer existent, some just did not respond, and others were busy with other plans. There were a couple of chicks who even called me back just to cuss me out and remind me how I cheated on them with their best friends. Needless to say, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I felt like Freddy Mercury looking for ‘Somebody to Love’.
There was one chick I did not approach. She would be a sure thing. I probably would not even have to buy her dinner before she would ravage me with her lustful lips. This girl has ass from here to yesterday, a firm stomach, perky tits, juicy lips, long legs, and eyes to die for. But behind those eyes lives the most twisted brain on the planet. This chick is ‘Fatal Attraction’ times 10. After a few drinks she is capable of parking her car in front of your house or apartment with her hand glued to the horn and Alanis Morissette blasting on her stereo. She WILL remind you of the mess you left when you went away. I could not be crawling back to this hell I just barley escaped from a few years ago. I had to move house just to get her off my case. I kept deleting her number from my phone for this very reason but I ran into her a month ago and she put it back on there.
I went for it. Fuck the consequences. I needed to be sucked, fucked, and juiced. I told her I would pick her up at 9.30. I was not sure if I could bring her home but the company has an open suite at the Le Meriden so I figured a few drinks at Tiga Puluh and I could be raped and home in time to catch the morning news. To be honest, by 3 pm I was pretty excited. I kept imaging how the scene would go down and how I would take her and how she would take me. I breezed through the rest of the day with a stupid smile on my face like an ignorant lamb being lead to the slaughter house.
I got home at about 6.30 and fixed my self a drink. Screwdrivers are my poison of choice. Some soft music playing in the back ground, by AC on full blast, I took advantage of my privacy and began to prepare my self for the up coming attraction. I shaved my face, then my privates. This chick loves fallacio so I wanted to get all the floss out of the way and let her have a field day on an open laying field. I also trimmed down my chest hair and cut my finger and toe nails. I even clipped my nose and ear hair. It had been a while since I had gotten laid and it would be a while till I did again so I wanted to cover all my bases.
It must have been 8 when I jumped in the shower. I was washing up real good and with the thoughts I had been having all day it is pretty obvious that I was rooting. I had a full blown steamer in my hands. I figured that I might as well off load one round before the big game. I don’t want to cream my pants as soon as she drops her top and it was a possibility because I was raring to go. I took my time, eyes closed, facing away from the shower with the hot water steaming down my back. I was well lathered up with soap so I closed my eyes and let my imagination run wild while Anjali (my right hand) did her thing.
After a few minutes (might have been only 2) I felt my knees start to loosen up and go week. My body trembled and I busted my nut all over the place. It felt awesome. My whole body shook, I gripped the walls, and I was gasping for air. I think I even moaned!!! I know this might be disturbing for some of you to read but hang in here with me. I had one of the best orgasms I had in a while. I was on some sort of a transcendental Karma Surtra plain while I finished my shower and dried up. My mind was void of thought. With my towel wrapped around my waist I inched towards my couch and dropped into it letting out a deep breath. I was coming back to my senses.
The world seemed like a new place to me. Suddenly I realized what I was about to do. I could not believe how close I was to actually hooking up with that psycho bitch again!!! It was as if that pent up jizz had somehow blocked up my rational thought process and I was unable to distinguish the thin line that separates pleasure and agonizing pain. I was about to risk my sanity for 30 seconds of an orgasm, and once I cleansed my doors of perception, I was able to see things as they truly are, infinite.
That one act of self satisfaction altered my future in more ways than you can possibly comprehend. I cancelled my rendezvous with sister death and spent the night at home watching movies and had an extremely productive Saturday. Had I proceeded with my previous agenda I might at this very moment be in a hospital, police station, or worse yet, witness protection program. It would be the only way to hide from that she wolf. The influence a simple orgasm could have upon my judgment capabilities caught me completely off guard. The shift in thought was not even transitional, it was instant. The thoughts did not even stir in my mind, it was as if I was struck in my forehead by a silver bullet and immediately enlightened. I felt like a sage meditating under a tree in the forest that has suddenly discovered the meaning of life.
If I could constantly live in that post orgasmic state, I would never be forced to make decisions or act as a result of fear, lust, or greed. I could be the most harmonious and successful business man in the world. This revelation is the basis of my up coming manifesto. I will be the next Jerry McGuire, but in real life. The Carl Marx of masturbation. Wank and set your mind free. Backed up sperm is the opiate of the masses I tell you! My ideas are still jumbled in my head and it will take some time before I can pen them all so don’t run to Aksara just yet.
I decided to put my theory to test this morning. I was faced with a crucial decision as soon as I got to work this morning. My expert judgment would be the difference between whether we secure the contract for this gigantic client for another 2 years or weather we loose them to the competition. I was caught off guard and did not know what calls to make. I sat behind my desk waiting for some inspiration to strike me like a lighting bolt from God when I remembered that I now have the power. I strolled into my private bathroom, dropped my pants, closed my eyes, and pictured Angelina Jolie beckoning me. Within a few minutes I busted my nut again carefully making sure I did not get any on my grey suit. I cleaned up and repositioned my self behind my desk. Within minutes logical and original ideas flowed through my brain like electricity on crack. Yes, I said electricity on crack!!! I moved over my desk like Alicia Keys over a piano, shifting papers, taking notes, and making calls. Within minutes I sealed the deal and I am now sitting back composing this post for Indo Dreamin’.
After this I am drafting a plan to redesign my office space. We have a ‘Think Tank’ where I send my creative team to come up with new idea. It is fitted with games, books, music, and simulative art work. The room name is now going to be changed to the ‘Wank Tank’. I will stock it with the latest pornographic literature and film. There will be toys and apparel to satisfy every imaginable fetish and ample disposable cum rags to clean up the pearl jam. I believe this change will bring about a new era in my firm and possibly the whole field of business management! I could do for creative firms what Steve Jobs did for Apple. Before every board meeting we will all retreat to our cubicles to clear our minds and allow ‘pure thought’ to flow though our boardroom. The thought of this new era excites me. I feel ready to face the brave new world, one tug at a time. Holla back if you feel me!!!