Tuesday, March 27, 2007


*More insights long overdue, courtesy of my good friend Gonzo. As usual all discrepancies and warnings apply. Ben Harper put it best when he sang, ‘If you don’t like my fire, then don’t come around, I’m gonna burn one down’. And he loves feedback.

I can imagine what a stir it must have created in the 1800’s when women started to wear low cut gowns and extremely tight bustier to enhance their cleavage. I find the aged fashion to be quite provocative and even when I see women wearing them today in movies or in renaissance artwork I get excited. It is no secret that all men love mammary glands and just getting a passing glance of what is packed away behind that tight blouse is dreadfully arousing. These days however female icons leave nothing if anything to the imagination. Cleavage that was once alluring and mystical has now become common and boring.

Not only do most women at clubs or events these days have their breasts pushed halfway up to their chins, they also buy gadgets and gimmicks that cause their breasts to appear 4 times larger then they actually are. Now I am not a guy who only lusts for ladies with large breasts, in fact I shall confess here and now that I love all tits, each and every single one of them. But I do not get particularly stimulated by a set of silicon puppies staring up at me from behind a blouse. As far as I am concerned, excessively revealing clothing and overuse of low cut blouses has bastardized cleavage.

In the early 2000’s a new trend erupted that evoked a thrill once again when Gwen Stefani influenced young women to slightly expose their underwear over the top hem of their low rider jeans. For a while that hint of a pink thong or lace panty was just what women needed to maintain their edge, to suggest sexuality.

But once again the masses took the idea and pushed it over the edge. Before long I could tell exactly what color, brand, and style of underwear a girl was wearing from 20 feet away in a crowded club. From 3 feet away I could tell how worn the fabric was and probably the last time they were washed. Not pleasant, I know.

With skirts getting higher cut and blouses getting lower cut one is forced to wonder what will be next to go. What will be the next big thing? They can’t make the base hem of a skirt any higher so make the waist band lower I figure. First the jeans were just getting low cut in the front revealing a woman’s pelvic bones and eventually you could even catch a six o’clock shadow between her belly button and jeans button. That was not enough so they started carving away at the back of the jeans and viola, ASS CLEAVAGE was born.

Ass cleavage is nothing new, if you look back at old paintings you can see how artists already were already infatuated by the nape of a woman’s buttocks. But that was something that was revealed only in nude art and as far as I know, exhibition of a woman’s posterior was reserved for her husband or lover. The back in general, not just the bum is extremely sensual, sexual, and provocative. Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction declares that giving a woman a good foot massage is as suggestive as playing with her ‘holiest of hollies’. I believe a good back massage could get you a lot further and applying gentle pleasure to the top of the butt cheeks can be exceedingly congenial. This section of a female’s anatomy evidently was quite venerated.

In more recent times the penny slot, or the plumbers crack, as ass cleavage is also referred to, was the sign of a working man, and has rarely if ever in popular culture been associated with hot chicks. I seem to have missed the gravy train on this one and just did not see it coming though. It seems like every where I go now there is an ass crack staring up at me, weather it is in some magazine or just riding on the subway. All of a sudden the trade mark characteristic of my favorite TV dad is now supposed to be sexy?

I probably have a greater weakness for a healthy woman’s arse than most average guys and some might presume that I would be gratified that women are proudly bearing their ASSets for all to see. But no, I am not happy with this now development in fashion. I have always been more intrigued by the suggestion of mischief as opposed to the actual act of it. By bringing everything into the open before the game begins just rids the need for foreplay. And I like foreplay. There has to be more of a goal then just spreading a woman’s legs and diving in, and I am not referring to situations that are driven by emotional needs here. As usual my observations are only in reference to a sexual nature. With fashion designs going the way they are, whet more is left to the imagination? The nipples, vagina, and asshole!? Next thing you know there will be clothes that cover up every part of the body except those 3 areas. This design is actually patented here

I am not saying that the nape of a woman’s butt crack peaking over her panties is not sexy. I think it is extremely sexy. Hell, it is fucking bind blowing. But when my secretary comes into work wearing hipster jeans and I am forced to notice her penny slot as she bends over to grab some paper from underneath the copy machine, I get disturbed damit! And when I walk down the street and see a group of young 16 year olds flashing half their butt crack for the world to see it just creeps me out. But if I come home and see my lady waiting at the front door for me like this, that’s a whole nother story mate.

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