Tuesday, January 29, 2008

In Retrospect (a bit of a flashback)

Christmas has been a daze. I expected to spend 4-5 days at home, reading books, whipping out some fresh dishes, or watching films however this has been anything but that. For some time now I have believed that it would be impossible for me to let down my guard and actually make some real friends in Guangzhou. And I don’t know if it is just the Christmas spirit or all the fun stuff we have been consuming, but I actually feel part of something. And by that I do not mean that I ever felt isolated. On the contrary I felt solitary. The last few days have been a fucking trip to say the least. As opposed to feeling lonely, I actually find that I am part of a whole new family. It is so awkward yet familiar to feel that void within the people around you who are far away from home for the holidays, which is really what draws us all together. And it is these situations that encourage intimacy. Kind of collegesque if you think about it.

And although I have been looking forward to spending a few days getting creative with ‘Obrigado Brasil’ and watching some wikid films, I have say that the nights out with my mates have been equally inspirational. Just taking off the hat for a few days and actually LIVING has given me a totally fresh perspective. It is so easy to get sucked into a point of view sometimes. As much as I feel the need to lock myself ‘IN’ to release some of my more inventive capabilities, without influence from people you actually give a shit about, it all just amounts to a big bowl of horse shit. It is like the theory of relativity man. Or evolution for that matter. If you didn’t see people around you with equally amazing concepts or if you never had your ideas challenged, the ideas would not evolve.

Having had the last few awesome days, I am going to try and count myself out for New Years. This is my own application to be left alone in my own misery. I need some confinement man. Too much time out makes me forget who me is, although where I am and who I am is also a part of WHAT I am. But sometimes you need a day or two to just look back at what’s gone by.

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