Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I Hate Chain Mail

Most people I know and meet on a regular basis are aware that I hate chain mail. So it was quite surprising when last week I received this mail from a close friend of mine in Jakarta. Not only did he send this to me, but he also forwarded it to our common circle of friends. I was having one of those days where whatever could possibly go wrong, was going wrong.

BE AWARE FRIENDS, The world is getting sicker and a more unsafe place! Don't know how accurate these stories are, but better to be aware than be ignorant.

This is a true story, it has been confirmed, and the Medical Centre phone number at the end of this story is real. This guy went out on a Saturday night a few weeks ago to a party. He was having a good time and had a couple of beers and some girl seemed to like him & invited him to go to another party. He quickly agreed & decided to go along with her. She took him to a party in some apartment and they continued to drink & even got involved with some drug (unknown).

The next thing he knew, he woke up completely naked in a bathtub filled with ice. He looked down at his chest, which had 'CALL 000 or YOU'LL DIE' written on it with lipstick. He saw a phone was on a stand next to the tub so he picked it up & dialed. He explained to the EMS operator what the situation was & that he didn't know where he was, what he took, or why he was really calling. She advised him to get out of the tub. He did, and he appeared normal, so she told him to check his back. He did, and found two 9 inch slits on his lower back. She told him to get back into the tub immediately, and they sent a rescue team over.

Apparently, after being examined, he found out more -His kidneys were stolen. They were worth $10,000 each on the black market. He is currently in the hospital on a life support, awaiting a spare kidney. I wish to warn you about a new crime ring that is targeting business travelers. This ring is well organized and well funded, has very skilled personnel & is currently operating in most major cities around the world and recently very active in Sydney.

Ok, first of all this is so fucking 90’s. I remember hearing this story back when I was 16. I think it was ripped from some B grade Follywood flick. I mean honestly, if you were left in a tub over night packed in ice, you should be less concerned about your kidneys and more married about the frost bite on your pecker. And secondly, anyone who gets their hands on my internal organs would be lucky to get 2 years of use out of them. These bad boys have been to hell and back I tell you. So yeah, not being in the best of moods I batted out a reply to vent my frustrations.


Thanks for the warning guys!! Just this Friday night while I was in Cellar (a popular club in Guangzhou) this really hot blond came up to me and asked to buy me a drink. I said ok. She was tall with green eyes and was wearing this skin tight dress with mad cleavage all over the place. There is no way I could say no to this girl although I knew better. Shortly after some good conversation and dancing she asked me to come back to her place for a night cap. I did not know what a 'night cap' is and assumed it is some new drug that kids these days must be using, to get 'high' or whatever so of course I declined and stayed at the bar avoiding her watchful gaze all along.

Later I saw her hanging out with a close friend of mine as I was going to the bathroom. I was planning to warn him but by the time I got out they were nowhere to be seen. I was afraid she might have given him some night cap so I tried to call but his phone was off. I did not see him again till Sunday afternoon at the pub. He looked like hell. He showed me his back where he had left massive scratch marks. He had small dark bruises all over his chest and neck! It turns out that Niki, the blond girl from the bar took him home and made crazy monkey love with him all night and the next day!! She stole his VIRGINITY!

So guys, this is serious.... If you don’t want to wake up with an ache in your thighs from doing it doggy style and night, marks all over your body from being raped by a gorgeous woman, and a cramp in your groin from having been fucked so hard, then don’t go home with hot chicks in bars who offer to give you night caps!!! Imagine waking up one morning to find that your virginity is gone? I heard it is worth almost $89.90 in the Blok M market. This ring is well funded and organized so please look out for those elusive Night Caps and keep your virginity intact!

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