The Red Hot Chili Peppers Bomb

I have been going pretty wild with my cooking experiments recently. The other day when I was back in China, I decided to make my own spicy olive oil. I had just got a large bottle of extra virgin olive oil and I figured if I put a few dried chilies in there to soak, the oil will absorb some of the heat. The only issue was that I did not have any dried chilly on hand. I am an extremely impatient and impulsive person. If I get an idea in my head I have to act on it immediately. I also like to think that I am extremely resourceful and I figured I could probably dry some red peppers out in the microwave. I stuck 2 in there for about a minute and viola, they started to dry out. So I added 2 more and set the timer to 4 minutes while I made myself a drink. I came back to the kitchen and cracked open the microwave. The first thing I saw was 4 black desiccated peppers. Before I could even register the thought that I had burned the peppers, it hit me. Like a fucking punch in the guts, I was winded. I could not breathe. I was seriously choking. My eyes teared up and the world started to spin. I was about to pass out cold when my buddy Ro rushed in also coughing and gagging with a handkerchief wrapped around his face. He grabbed me by the collar and heroically dragged me out to the living room while turning on the exhaust fan in the kitchen and securing the door shut. This could not have been an easy task because I way at least double of what he does. But I have read that in emergency situations the pituitary glands release adrenaline into the system and like cocaine it totally boosts your strength. I lay on the floor staring at the ceiling as I slowly caught my breath and regained full consciousness. My first thought upon re-entering the world o the living was, ‘Dude, I got to blog this’.

I could not believe that by simply nuking a few peppers I created a total bomb. I mean this thing was BAD! Had Brother Ro not had my back I could have died. As we sat on the floor in disbelief I noticed my breath running short again and I started to cough, sporadically at first and then convulsively. The deadly fumes were seeping into the living room. We rushed to open windows and doors but the stench was overwhelming. I had left the microwave door open and the peppers were still in there dispensing deadly fumes into our fragile atmosphere. One of us had to go in there and get them out. I was weak, just barely clinging on to the shards of life within my grasp. And I am a heavy smoker, while Ro on the other hand is a healthy non-smoking soccer player. The choice was clear. Ro carried our fate in his nimble limbs. Armed with his handkerchief and a trusty screwdriver, Brother Ro valiantly ventured into the kitchen to tackle the Red Hot Chilli Peppers while I dropped back onto the cold parquet floor like Amitab Bachan in Sholay; a tragic fallen hero. Dare I liken myself to Albert Einstein, who innocently paved the way for the development of the atomic bomb? I also stumbled across this deadly bomb while simply trying to enhance the quality of human life, granted my own, by making some spicy olive oil.

Ro rushed into the kitchen and I immediately heard a scuffle, sounds of coughing and gagging. I would be lying if I said I was not just a little bit worried. I could not take the stress so I peaked in only to see Brother Ro vigorously engaged in some sort of skirmish with the microwave. Seriously, the fumes were noxious. It was hard to keep my eyes open because they burned as if I was being sprayed with mace. After about 3 minutes my man emerged with a large plastic bag of garbage extended in front of him. In it were the fatal doses of the Red Hot Chili Peppers that nearly cut my days short. We dumped it out in the stairwell and only then could I actually get close enough to take a picture of the evil scorched culprit.

I assure that not a single element of my account has been exaggerated. In fact I might even be downplaying our heroics in retrospect. Once again by attempting a seemingly simple task I have endangered my personal well being. NEVER put Red Hot Chili Peppers in the microwave for 4 minutes or more. I shit you not; this is a recipe for disaster. We had to evacuate the apartment for half an hour just to let the venomous gas escape. On the other hand though, it would be an awesome prank to play if you hid some peppers in a friend’s microwave. Three cheers for Brother Ro. Mahalo.