Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Messy Naked Chicks

It is 2008 and in my efforts to be less perverse I have put my PhotoShopping skills to good use by keeping this post SAFE FOR WORK. I would have covered up this chicks goodies with a picture of a flower if I had one handy but all I could find that required no cropping was this smiley smoking a joint. If they got a problem with nudity AND sex in your office, I suggest you find a new job. I mean if we were to cut all this stuff out of our lives, how fucking boring would we be? Anyways, back to the picture. So check this scene out. This chick is pretty hot in my books. But for the life of me, I cannot get off on this picture. In fact there is a whole series of them that get pretty steamy but all I seem to be able to focus on is the clutter in her house. How the fuck does people live like this? In this picture alone you can see that there is a kid in the house from the shoes in the bottom left hand corner. Then there is that open bottle of some cleaning agent next to that. Check out the basket of shoes next to the chick and behind her that freaky liquor cabinet that is also a hanger holder. The bottles in there seem to be mainly some cheap cocktail mixers and a big ass bottle of vodka. The guard thing on the door I am guessing means they have a pet of some sort, or is that what people in the US use to keep their kids under control. I have no idea what is going on above the liquor cabinet, that shit looks like it is about to fall over any second.

Pan a bit to the right and you can get a glimpse of some more of the room. There is another bottle of booze behind that nasty basket of shoes. And who keeps their shoes in a basket in their living room? On the dressing table in the back there is a bottle of wine and 2 more in some sort of vertical stand. Behind this stand there is also an old school rotary phone. Dude, whoever lives in this place must be a serious packrat cause they stopped making those phones back in the 80’s. Or this might be a rally old picture? The is also just so much crapped stored under that dresser that there is no way some crazy rodent has not called that home. In the room behind the young lady a baby swing is clearly visible and I am assuming the bugger must asleep while mom and dad play hide the sausage. IN the foreground if you look closely you can spot what appears to be the handle of a vacuum cleaner. This is a good sign that the owners of this abode have in mind the pure intentions to clean up…. Someday.

JACKPOT!! I love playing find the bottle. Can you spot the bottle of Absolut Peach? I love that stuff and if that does not get you in the mood for a bit of exhibition ism then I don’t know what will. As for the kitchen itself, the area looks fairly clean so I am hoping this family eats well. The tea kettle does look a bit stank though. I totally love the old school ceramic flooring. I happen to know a little bit about tiles and they don’t make stuff like that anymore. The red brick wall is also pretty rustic and judging by what I see here I think this house has some pretty good character. The oven mitts over the sink are also a good sign that mom likes to cook. From this angle the house looks very much like a home I would like to live in.

Yes, I have gone through great lengths to insure that this post is SAFE FOR WORK, by risking my ass fixing up these pictures in my workplace. And this right here is the money shot. If the bottle of Absolut Peach did not convince you that this picture was taken in this decade then the digital camera on the table here is a dead giveaway. It also seems mom and dad both brought their own cameras along to document the occasion. The magnetic letters in the background also confirm my suggestion that there is a little tyke living amongst the rubble in this home. It is a pity however what they have done to the ceramic tiles. They look so chipped, cracked, and done away with.

I think what started off as a rant about how messy chicks are such a big turn off to me, has turned into the realization and conception of my own Post Secret. If there is a hell, I will be burning in it. And if you are a regular reader of this blog, rest assured you will be right there with me. Desculpame!


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